


All the Time in the World

by OHai_Here



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adventure I suppose, Friendship, Gen, Meh, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:38:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2167794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OHai_Here/pseuds/OHai_Here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years of a wrecked world and finally, that stupid kitsune told his host of a plan. </p><p>"You'll disappear from our timeline happening again, because two of the same person cannot exist at the same time, or you'll vanish because our timeline never happens." </p><p>"So it's die or die." </p><p>"Smart boy."</p><p>"Let's do this."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

_Run._ That is the word that echoes through Naruto’s head.

Ten years, Naruto thinks, clenching his fist, ten years of absolute war. Konoha fell, as did the rest of the shinobi villages and everything in between.

Naruto and a handful of survivors are left, probably, Naruto has not encountered human life, or life in general, in perhaps a year.

It is hard to get food to survive.

Maybe the small amount of people left have already perished. Naruto cannot count the amount of times he has managed to scrape through with nothing but the Kyuubi, no human should possibly be able to live through the food shortages.

 **Kit.** Ah, there’s also that. Kurama is still alive, alive but severely weakened, the last clash with Madara had drained the demon, **Kit,** the Kyuubi repeats, **I cannot go on living like this.**

Those are the words Naruto has feared since a long time ago.

 **You cannot continue living like this,** Kurama says. Naruto agrees rightly and answers, ‘ _I cannot_.’

 **Because you will go insane.** Kurama continues, Naruto nods, even though the fox cannot see him, ‘ _I will.’_

**Because you need to interact with someone who isn’t a giant demon fox.**

_‘Yes I do need to interact with people who aren’t giant demon foxes.’_ Naruto replies curtly. The Kyuubi lets out a giant bellow of a laugh, as loud as his deteriorating form will allow, but the sound rattles Naruto’s brain nonetheless.

Naruto flips a lock of his hair over his shoulder, it had grown wild and red as the Kyuubi’s chakra tainted it, long, because in the past ten years, he could not leave any trace of him around, fearing Madara would make a clone out of it, ‘ _Your point is?’_  

**I may have a way.**

This catches Naruto’s attention, _‘You’re only telling me this now because?’_

**Because only now have I accumulated enough chakra to do it.**

_‘It?’_ Naruto says in an interested fashion. The Kyuubi chuckles, **Yes, _it._** **I can reverse time with minor consequences.**

Naruto inhales sharply and asks, _‘And what are these consequences?’_ because he isn’t that knuckleheaded, reckless idiot he was ten years ago, war does wonders on a person. 

**Well, for one, you’ll disappear by the end, no matter what you do.** The Kyuubi states in an almost dry tone.

‘ _Won’t I die even if I don’t try out this ‘way’?'_

 **You aren’t so stupid now.** The Kyuubi speaks with an almost incredulous tone. Naruto chuckles, ‘ _No one goes into a war and leaves without being changed a little bit.’_

**So, you’ll either disappear via paradox pains, which is when our timeline happens again, because two of the same people can’t exist, or you’ll vanish _because_ our timeline no longer exists, when you meddle too much and our experiences never happen, the person you are doesn’t exist anymore. **

‘ _So it’s basically die or die.’_

**Clever boy.**

Naruto sighs and shrugs, because he knows the fox will feel it, “Let’s do this.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Naruto sends out a loud curse as he’s sent tumbling through a-a… _something,_ and he almost lets out a quiet noise of surprise, because his past three years were spent whispering to others because if they spoke any louder, they feared that Madara might hear them, and when _those_ people died, Naruto only mind-talked to Kurama.

It’s really not strange that his voice comes out rasping and like sandpaper.

Naruto looks around, only to see that it’s night, probably late.

Naruto can see light shining from above the treetops when he realises that he’s in a forest. Naruto’s breath catches, because he’s in _Konoha’s forest._

The redhead lies on the grassy ground, just taking in the sounds of life.

“Holy crap! There’s someone there!” A voice comes out, startled.

“Shit! Look at the bleeding, we need to get him to an outpost, or the village, somewhere with a decent medic-nin!” Another voice calls.

Naruto then realises _why_ exactly his body hurts so much, it’s because the damn fox tore up his body as well as send him back to the past.

Naruto is being carried away, the grip on him is gentle but firm. A few minutes later, the person carrying him is panting but they arrive at a very bright place.

“Medic!” The person carrying him hollers, screaming so loud that Naruto’s ears hurt and ring. Naruto is being put on a bed, he lets out a small groan as the bed bumps.

Another person, probably the medic, yells out a, “Fuck!” then bellows, “He’s still conscious! I need you, you and you to help me!”

Naruto’s body hurts to the point where he can’t even manage out a small, “Shh.” But still manages to hiss out in pain as he gets jostled around before a needle is injected into Naruto’s arm.

“You need to calm down. You’re bleeding a lot, you need to relax for the anaesthetic to work.” The medic says as steadily as he can.

Naruto lets out a quiet murmur and wonders why Kurama isn’t healing him before passing out.

 

~*~

 

 

When Naruto wakes up, he is clean. There is no more blood, or dirt or anything else on him, because he is in a hospital gown.

Naruto does not have enough strength to raise himself off the bed so he continues to lie there, groaning, until the heart-rate monitor beeps and a medic comes in.

“You’re awake. That was quick.” The medic says blankly. Naruto shrugs and the medic continues speaking, “You’ve been unconscious for almost four days,” And Naruto sends the man a look that says, ‘Are you kidding me? Quick?’, but the medic ignores it, “My name is Hiroto, I’ll be looking after you for your stay. You were severely cut all over your body, and you have a very bad case of malnutrition, you had burns and bruises, they’ll all heal, but you broke your leg, that seems mostly healed, your chest,” Hiroto inhales deeply, “the scarring there…”

The medic trails off but Naruto understands. The scar from Sasuke.

Naruto waves off the question, “A little childhood problem.”

Hiroto sends Naruto an unimpressed look but doesn’t continue along those lines, pulling out a notebook, “We’d like you to answer a few questions, protocol and all.”

Naruto nods, as he understands.

“What is your name?” Hiroto asks, not beating around the bush. Naruto tips his head slightly, “…Uzumaki, Kenji.”

Hiroto’s eyebrow raises.

“Which village are you affiliated with?”

Naruto sucks in a breath, because he knows he can’t say Konoha so instead he replies with the obvious answer, “Uzushio, in Whirlpool.”

Hiroto pauses for a second before writing it down.

“Are you a threat to Konoha?”

“No.”

Hiroto blinks because the answer Nar-Kenji gives is quick and serious and completely true.

“What were you doing on Konoha territory?”

“That’s a funny story,” Kenji comments dryly, “You see, I was travelling when I heard that I had a living relative in Konoha, but I also had one in Kusa, you know? Grass? And one in Ame. So I was sort of stuck between which to go to, so I left where I was staying, which was in Ishi, and I was making my way here, when I got attacked randomly and the next thing I know people are screaming and carrying me around and telling to calm down so I can be drugged and then I woke up and I was here and you came in and told me that I woke up quickly and you gave me a brief report on my injuries and began question—“

“Yes, I know the rest, I was there.” Hiroto says with a small tinge of sarcasm. Kenji gives a sheepish grin, “Sorry.”

Hiroto just smiles tiredly, “You should get more rest.” And leaves.

Kenji watches as the door closes, restricting the urge to scream at the man to just _not leave,_ because Kenji is lonely and if he continues to be lonely, Kenji is sure to go insane.

Kenji twitches once, twice before he slowly pulls himself up and off the bed because he can’t stand lying around for any longer.

Kenji slowly pulls off all the medical equipment and leaps out of the window quickly, know that when the heart-rate monitor gives out the continuous beep, Hiroto is sure to come rushing in.

Kenji realises that he still hasn’t eaten any food and that’s he’s most definitely hungry. He snags a dry pair of jeans and a shirt from a hanging clothesline and leaves his hospital gown there instead.

Kenji decided that he was feeling restless and decided, why not go for a jog?

Ten minutes later, Kenji was wondering just _who the hell_ would take a jog when they had a bad case of malnutrition.

Twenty minutes later Kenji was about to collapse from the exercise without the necessary nutrients and carbohydrates and he was asking himself how people on diets managed to put themselves through such torture.

Five minutes _after that,_ Kenji found himself half-dead on his feet in front of the hospital. As he stumbles through the doors, he places a weak hand against the receptionist’s desk and lets out a quiet sigh of relief, “Ohmygod, please, can I go back to my room?” 

Kenji’s voice is once again coarse and scratchy, but the receptionist realises who he is, with wide eyes, she answers him, “Hiroto-sensei sent out a few shinobi to find you, room 830, there’s going to be a meal waiting for you.”

Kenji manages to stumble to his set room with his heavy-as-lead legs and he crumples on the bed, half his body still hanging off the mattress.

Hiroto finds him like that and gives Kanji a stern talking to, then leaves the room to call off the hired shinobi and to get Kenji food.

Kenji gladly digs in while Hiroto watches with an amused look on his face before he finally asks, “How long were you out on enemy land?”

Kenji freezes for a second, wipes off some food from his mouth and looks Hiroto straight in the eye, “Three years.”

Hiroto can’t help but shiver as Kenji continues eating his food.

Hiroto was alive during the Third Shinobi War, and even though Konoha was on the winning side, life was still hard. To be in enemy land for three years, Hiroto thinks, is something that Hiroto will never be able to relate to, so instead, he changes his question, “How much food was there?”

Kenji pauses for a second and replies in a careful, neutral tone, “Almost none. I don’t think I’ve had a decent meal that’s not a ration bar in over a month.”

“Who was your enemy?” Hiroto asks in an almost inaudible voice. Kenji clenches his fist, “One so great that even three years after he died, the place had yet to regrow vegetation and animals weren’t around.”

Kenji suddenly doubled over, Hiroto rushing to his side, “Are you ok? Did you eat too much? Too quickly?”

Kenji lets out a small whine, before holding up a hand to calm the medic, “Fine. It’s just… surprising, to eat food.”

Hiroto shakes his head and almost laughs, “You’ll be discharged from the hospital tomorrow, don’t eat too much, your body will still be adjusting.”

Kenji nods and keeps his mouth shut.


	2. In which Naruto meets Kenji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenji breaks out, Naruto meets Kenji, they clean up, Naruto gets a bath and Kenji is about to break his spine from the lumps in the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I was going to update this story a few days ago because I know how it's sometimes really infuriating when stories don't get updated, but the problem was that my old story, which I had on Word, was too vague and I hated it. 
> 
> So I deleted it a started completely from where I left off. 
> 
> It was torture.
> 
> Sorry if this chapter is short or not to your satisfaction. I have no more plan for this story but I'll see how long I can continue it.

Hiroto screams out from pure frustration when he finds Kenji's room empty again. Hiroto rages and stalks out of the room, deciding that he really shouldn't search after the infuriating man who had decided to break out of the hospital  _the day he was to be discharged!_

People like that, Hiroto says to himself, deserve to rot in hell because they don't realise the pain they make others go through. 

People like that, the medic continues, also are incredibly irritating. 

With that thought in mind, Hiroto begins to tend to other patients who aren't so irritating. 

 

~*~

 

Kenji sighs as he sits quietly on the wooden swing. He is outside the ninja academy and this was the swing he would often occupy when he was younger. 

The bell rings and parents begin to enter the area, waiting for their children and Kenji sighs once more and stand up. 

Students begin to pour out of the school, most sporting new, shiny headbands. Kenji can see Sakura and Ino fighting once more, and Hinata waiting patiently for her father, and Kiba laughing loudly with Akamaru and Shikamaru and Chouji are standing, waiting as well. 

 

Naruto comes out slowly, almost like he is disappointed with nobody waiting for him, except someone Naruto has never seen before  _is_ standing there and it seems like that man  _is_ waiting for him. 

But Naruto knows better than to get his hopes up. 

Then the man walks toward Naruto and the smaller boy completely freaks out internally. 

"Naruto Uzumaki, I presume?" The man says. Naruto surprisingly flinches from the tone, because his voice is smooth and not deep and not high and it's almost the first time he's heard this from a complete stranger so Naruto eyes the man warily and nods, taking in the bright red hair and  _(samesamesame)_ sky blue eyes and how the man somehow manages to look beautiful and yet has a rugged air about him, like he has been through many fights. 

Mostly everyone in the schoolyard has stopped what they are doing as they stare at the strange person who had approached the blonde.

Then Tomato-man drops to one knee and placed his hand over his heart, "It's good to finally meet you, my _Ouji-sama_."

Naruto blinks and desperately tries to process what exactly the man is saying before his face heats up because he realises that everyone's eyes are on him. 

"What?" He asks, almost angrily. The man doesn't flinch and speaks slowly, almost as if he is speaking to a three-year-old, "You, Uzumaki Naruto, son of Uzumaki Kushina, are the prince and heir of the Uzumaki Clan of Uzushio in Whirlpool Country, therefore, my prince." 

Naruto can hear the parents from shinobi clans gasp, maybe they know who this 'Kushina' person is? But Naruto doesn't really care as he regards the crouched man in front of him. 

Then Naruto crosses his arms and pouts and huffs, "Where were you twelve years ago?" But the effect is destroyed by the grin which blooms on his face. The man in front of him relaxes and Naruto realises how tense the man was, he was probably very nervous, which makes Naruto smile even more, because there is a person out there, who  _wants_ to meet him.  _Him!_

"Is it ok if... I can live with you? I mean, I just got discharged from the hospital and I'm foreign so I don't really have accommodation." The man asks, sounding unsure and Naruto feels like laughing, because this man seems like the type of person who thinks things through completely and won't hesitate to do anything because he knows what the consequences are, but of course Naruto doesn't laugh so he settles for a shrug. 

"Thanks." The man lets out a large sigh of relief. Naruto sends the man a curious look, "You're not some sort of pedophilic hobo, right?" 

The man chokes on air before stuttering out, "Of course not! I'm a wanderer. I heard that your mother was in Konoha and decided to drop by to say hi but I found out she died but then I heard about you and I looked you up and I thought that maybe I could help you out a bit?" 

"So you're a stalker." Naruto says in a carefully blank voice. The Uzumaki man once again splutters and desperately denies it. 

And Naruto laughs loud. 

 

~*~

 

Yamanaka Ino goes home that night with one question hanging over her head, so when she slams the door to her house open, she demands, “Who the _hell_ is Naruto?”

Her father tilts his head, “Naruto, you mean Uzumaki?”

“Yes, him! He has blonde hair, blue eyes, almost looks like a Yamanaka, but is tan, wears an orange monstrosity and has a knack for pranks! Him!” Ino yells. Inoichi quirks an eyebrow, “What about him?”

“There was this random guy I’d never seen before, red hair, blue eyes, tan as well, he just kneels down and _proclaims that Naruto’s a prince and he’s an heir of a country I’ve never heard of!”_

Inoichi stands up so quickly that he knocks the chair back as he hisses, “ _Who said that?”_

Ino shrugs, “I dunno’, but Naruto said he’s staying with him.”

Inoichi pats Ino on the head carefully and leaves.

Akiko Yamanaka walks into the room, “Was that just Inoichi?”

“I’m going to visit the Hokage. Some random person spilt an S-ranked secret!” Inoichi calls from outside the house.

 

~*~

 

"So... What's your name?" Naruto asks as they stroll down the streets, ignoring the whispers and glares following. 

"Kenji, Uzumaki Kenji." The man, Kenji, says. Naruto nods and notices how Kenji's fists tighten every time a civilian glowers at them. Naruto quickens his pace, "This is my apartment." 

Naruto shoves the key in and jars the door quickly, opening it. Naruto sees how his home is a dump with orange clothes hanging around and ramen cups littering the floor, and begins to rush around, shoving underwear under the bed, and throwing things into hidden places. Kenji watches almost disapprovingly. 

"You should put things where they belong." Kenji says and clears away the middle of the room, he begins plucking clothes off the ground and furniture and drops them in a pile in the empty space, then he picks up a few used ramen cups and puts them into another pile. 

"Clothes go there," Kenji points to the clothes, "Rubbish there and make another pile for what you want to keep." 

Then both of them get on their knees and the two begin cleaning up the small apartment. Naruto feels a grin splitting his face as they both end up under a table Kenji staring at him with a soft smile, both are dusty but the apartment is mainly clean and both Uzumaki are happy. 

Kenji withdraws and pulls Naruto out along with him, "Can you sort through these scroll you want, prince?" 

Naruto doesn't like that title, it seems too impersonal, so he voices out his opinion but snaps his mouth shut after it, because  _surely_  Kenji will take offense and leave him all alone. Again. 

But the man just smiles again and ruffles his hair, "Naruto-kun, then." And Naruto's eyes begin to tear up a little bit.  _(Just the dust)_

Then Kenji straightens up and for the first time, Naruto realises how much taller the older man is. Then Kenji pats Naruto on the head and turns around and says with a small frown, "I need to get work." 

"But you know how to do ninja stuff, right?" Naruto asks hopefully. Kenji nods with a distant look on his face, "Yes, I do... But the Hokage will take a while to verify me ad clear me as active for work... I know! Naruto-kun, do you have ink, or some paper?" 

Naruto crinkles his nose, trying to remember, before the blonde brightens and runs off quickly, returning with a brush and ink and paper. Kenji sits down and pats the place next to him, "Come and sit. You can watch." 

Then Kenji rolls up his sleeves and takes the brush, dipping it in the ink and the redhead begins to paint. 

Naruto watches, mesmerized with the quick, easy, controlled strokes which Kenji uses. The ink is smooth and perfect and the black contrasts so perfectly with the pure white. Soon enough, Kenji and Naruto are seated in front of rapidly drying pieces of art. Naruto traces a dry drawing with his finger, "What is this?" 

Kenji grins, "They're seals. Uzumaki were known for their prowess in seals. But seal masters aren't common, and the ones that are, are expensive."

"But you're a seal master." Naruto says. Kenji nods, "Most shinobi will be willing to  buy good quality seals because seals might be the deciding factor in a battle." 

Kenji gathers up the paper and says, "You keep cleaning up and I'll go make a profit from these." 

Then Kenji leaves and Naruto has a small panic attack because he doesn't want his last know family to leave just yet. 

 

 

~*~

 

 

When Kenji comes back to the apartment, it is dark and his younger self is already flopped against the couch and asleep. 

Kenji sighs and quietly puts down all the bags of things he had managed to buy. Now Ibiki had three more torture seals and Asuma had another six combat seals. 

The redhead strides over to his younger self and pokes him cautiously. There's no reaction. Another poke. No reaction. Kenji grins and begins to strip Naruto down to his underwear, then he makes his way over to the bathroom and runs a warm bath. 

After the bath is ready, Kenji somehow manages to take off Naruto's boxers and put him in the water without seeing anything. 

Naruto is still asleep. 

That makes Kenji almost face-palm and begin washing Naruto carefully. 

After the bath, Kenji dresses the boy in a new pair of pajamas which he had bought and puts Naruto onto his bed. 

Then he goes back to the couch and lies down and falls into an unsettled sleep on the uncomfortable couch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ouji-sama => Prince  
> I am a snail. I am writing at the speed of S.L.O.W. 
> 
> S- Slow  
> L- Lol, I can't write any faster  
> O- Oh, look at that, look how long it took me to update and how little content there is  
> W- Wow. I'm dying from the little amount I am writing
> 
> I am the world champion of going at the speed of S.L.O.W. (I am making it a thing) 
> 
> Carrot_Loves_All_Of_You_Even_If_You_Don't_Leave_Kudos


	3. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mundane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry... This is a super short chapter, I'm working on an assignment where I have to write a fable. By Monday.
> 
> I'm breaking down now. 
> 
>  
> 
> BTW, I added a teensy bit to the last chapter, YAY!

The very next day, Naruto wakes up and he’s almost scared that the strange Tomato-men (Uzumaki Kenji, Uzumaki Kenji) doesn’t exist and when Naruto realises that he’s in his bed in a relatively clean apartment with new clothes, he relaxes.

He trudges out of his room and sees Kenji curled up in a fetal position on the lumpy couch.

Naruto grins and walks over quietly and pokes the redhead man carefully, “Hell-o? You ok?”

Kenji opens his eyes and stares back at Naruto before he stretches his legs out and Naruto hears them crack and thinks about just _how_ the man contorted himself to such a small size and Naruto has no answer.

Then Kenji stands up with a yawn and walks over to the kitchen and begins making a breakfast.

It doesn’t end up too well.

The food burns when Kenji gets distracted by a passing bird out the window and the saucepan is suddenly on fire.

Naruto doesn’t even hesitate when he makes one of the simplest Suiton jutsus and extinguishes the flames. Both of them and half the room is flooded with water. Kenji rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, apologises and offers toast. Naruto agrees and they end up with a good breakfast.

Then the window gets thrown open and an ANBU squad lands in the kitchen. They pause slightly when they realise that they’ve intruded upon an awfully mundane setting, considering an unknown threat had broken a law by revealing an S-ranked secret and also knew sealing and had approached Konoha’s Jinchuuriki was sitting at a table with said Jinchuuriki, sopping wet and eating a simple breakfast of toast while the kitchen smelt like it used to be a fire hazard.

“Uzumaki Kenji. You are to come with us to be interrogated, should you resist we will use force.” The Captain of the squad, Bear, says. Kenji pushes his chair back and the ANBU tense and prepare for a battle.

Kenji tips his head in acknowledgement and replies in such a relaxing voice, Naruto can’t help but calm, “Ok.”

Bear almost trips over nothing at the compliance. Naruto sends Kenji a worried look, “Are you sure?”

“It’s alright, brat.” Kenji says fondly and ruffles the blonde’s hair. Then he walks toward the ANBU team without even the smallest amount of hesitance in his step and says in a chipper way, “Take me away then.”

 

~*~

 

Ibiki Morino most definitely hates his newest case.

The man, Uzumaki Kenji, as he claims, is relaxed and doesn’t buckle under any sort of psychological stress. The redhead is calm and looks like he’s having a vacation instead of being interrogated.

The man is also quite vague with his answers.

“So you’re from Uzushio?” Ibiki had asked. Kenji sent Ibiki a strange look in reply, “Was.”

“Pardon?”

“I _was_ from Uzushio. I _was_ about one year old when it got destroyed. My parents had fled from the city and never really settled. I’m a traveller.”

“You said you were affiliated with Uzushio to Hiroto-sensei.” Ibiki presses. Kenji shrugs, “I have no other affiliations – so sure, why not?”

“Parents?”

“Not here.”

“Names, I mean.”

“Why?”

“Because we need to know!”

“But Uzushio’s destroyed. Why would you need the names of my parents? You’d never find them anyway.”

“Where are they?”

“Hmm… Somewhere in Ishigakure? You’ll find them up the road from the blacksmith.” Kenji says.

“Why are you in Konoha?”

“I have a cousin.”

Ibiki clenches his fists and takes deep, calming breathes and compresses the urge to throttle the man, “Yes, the majority of the human populace have cousins.”

“And he’s the prince of the Uzumaki.”

Ibiki sighs, because he doesn’t really care about Kenji’s cousin.

“He’s also the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki and he’s offering me a place to stay.” Kenji adds, almost like an afterthought. The interrogator wants to slam his head against the wall, because _yes, yes_ he knows who the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki is and _yes,_ he really doesn’t care because Ibiki’s job is just to confirm that this man is not a threat to Konoha.

“He also has a terrible life.” Kenji continues, “And I don’t like it. So I’m going to give him a family, despite the fact that it’s only me. Perhaps I should get Karin before Orochimaru does? Actually, I’m pretty sure Karin is already with Orochimaru… Maybe Nagato, wait, we’ll need him later on in life.”

Ibiki connects the dots and buries the feeling that he _needs_ to murder the man in front of him, “You know the future.”

“ _A_ future… The most probable future… Probably. Only one future, and it sucks. I’m trying to change it.”

“You know a future.” Ibiki corrects himself with a deadpan voice. Kenji nods in such a chipper way Ibiki feels like poisoning him.

“That’s new.” Ibiki blinks owlishly because this is the first time that someone has claimed that. Kenji nods again, smiling almost happily, “I know that you’re Morino Ibiki and you have a cousin… no, brother, called Morino Idate… I think, in tea country… He thinks you’re dead.”

Ibiki grits his teeth because he _does_ have a brother in Tea Country that thinks Ibiki’s dead, and Ibiki doesn’t know how Kenji, if that really is his name, knows this.

“I told you. I know a future.”

“Is it a bloodline?”

Kenji shrugs and Ibiki restrains himself from committing homicide.

“How could you not know if it’s a bloodline?” Ibiki almost screams in utter frustration. Kenji gives Ibiki a weird look, “I’ve never had a bloodline before. So I can’t compare it.”

Ibiki exhales through his nose loudly and moves on to the next question, “How good are your skills?”

“Good enough.”

Ibiki’s self-control snaps and the next thing he knows, Ibiki’s hands are around the redhead’s neck.

“Gah! What the hell? What did I do?” Kenji chokes as his air supply is cut off. The door slams open and ANBU rush in and pull Ibiki off the prisoner, who delicate neck now sports red hand-marks.

When Ibiki calms down slightly, he turns his stare to the man in front of him, then gazes at the Hokage, “He’s good,” Ibiki says.

“How so?” The Hokage quirks and eyebrow. Ibiki inhales through his nose, “He claims such an outrageous thing that it may possibly be true.”

Ibiki pauses, “He might actually know the most probable future.”

The ANBU flinch and the Hokage sucks in a deep breath.

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I said last End Note? 
> 
> I am not a snail. 
> 
> I am a sloth. I am lazy, and slow and tired. 
> 
> I am still going S.L.O.W.
> 
> Carrot_Loves_You_For_Getting_So_Far_In_This_Story_And_Apologises_For_The_Short-ness


	4. Interrogation squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenji is problematic, Ibiki, Genma and Anko get wasted and Team Seven, ENTER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> I've just realised that this was sort of a writing binge, and I did it over a span of two days... My keyboard is on fire (Exaggeration) so tell me if I have made any mistakes please, typos, if I use the wrong tense or if I have an error in my brain and gave the wrong information. 
> 
> I don't mind if you're giving me a lecture and I'll read any flames (I don't mind them) because I like to read comments so please comment, even if it's completely random!
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> Carrot_Loves_People_Who_Correct_Her

Ibiki storms into the Jounin Standby station and growls.

“Yo, Ibiki!”

Genma and co. gesture for him to sit down. Ibiki stalks over and drops into the seat.

“… Are you sulking?” Genma asks in an almost incredulous voice. Ibiki sends the Tokujo a glare, “No.”

“You _are_ sulking!” Genma replies, then adds, “Kakashi sulks the same way.”

Kakashi, Raidou, Kurenai and Gai are sitting around a table, the Copy-nin and Konoha’s Beautiful Green Beast are locked in an arm-wrestling battle, neither budging.

“I do not!” Kakashi yelps, only to have his arm pressed to the table.

“Ha hah! I have beaten you once again, my Eternal Rival! I believe it brings the score to 49 wins and 50 losses for you!”

“Hard case?” Genma asks sympathetically. Ibiki puts his head in his hands, “That guy who told the Jinchuuriki about his heritage, he’s the vaguest bastard I’ve ever had the displeasure of interrogating. He tells the truth, but so little of it.”

“I think, that if you still had hair, you’d be pulling it all out.” Genma comments. Ibiki sends a dirty look at the Tokubetsu Jounin before calling over his shoulder, “Anko! You can take care of the newest case. Try to get as much information as possible.”

Anko bellows back from the other side of the room, “Right!” and bounces out of her chair and flings herself through a window, heading towards the T&I building with a maniacal cackle. 

Kakashi blinks, “So… You want to fill us in? You know, the ones who don’t live in the T&I department?”

“There’s basically this guy who told the Jinchuuriki about his mother, and stuff about his heritage.”

“And the rest?” Raidou asks cautiously. Ibiki shrugs in a resigned way, “Confidential.”

“Can you describe the guy?” Kurenai asks.

“Says his name is Kenji Uzumaki, red hair, blue eyes, tan, from _Uzushio_.” Ibiki emphasizes the word. Kakashi breathes in sharply, “ _And you sent ANKO?_ Uzushio’s an ally, even though Whirlpool was decimated!”

Ibiki says lightly, “He claimed something ridiculous.”

Kakashi groans and lets his head fall onto the table.

 

~*~

 

Kenji sits in the uncomfortable wooden chair that is provided, eyeing Anko warily. Anko lets out a short laugh, “Oh, don’t look at me like that.”

Kenji doesn’t say anything, keeping his eyes solely concentrated on the woman’s face, making sure his gaze did not linger on her generous… _assets._

“What’s wrong?” Anko purrs and rubs up against Kenji’s side. The redhead gives her a _look_ and stays silent.

“Were you this talkative with Ibiki? I can see why he was frustrated.” The woman hums. Kenji tilts his head and speaks for the first time in fifty minutes in a deadpan voice, “I’m gay.”

Anko reels back in surprise, “ _What?”_ She spits, “You mean I spent almost an hour on one _gay guy?_ ”

The fishnet-wearing woman hisses out a string of curses that surprise even Kenji, “ _So that’s why you didn’t budge!_ Waiting for the perfect time to reveal it, huh? Making sure I waste my time and get worked up about it, despicable!”

“You seem pretty worked up.” Kenji points out dryly. Anko lets out another series of offensive phrases.

“Did you just threaten to put my genitals through a meat grinder?” Kenji asks, raising an eyebrow. Anko throws a kunai at Kenji’s face. The Uzumaki avoids it by cocking his head to the left.

“Time to move onto plan B, torture tactics.” Anko begins advancing on the seated man, pulling out a kunai and licking it, a habit she’d never get rid of.

Kenji stares at Anko, clearly unamused, “You know I’m from Uzushio, right?”

Anko doesn’t say anything so Kenji continues, “And there’s two more Uzumaki I know… A girl who’s an incredible sensor and a man with the legendary Rinnegan. And Naruto-kun, of course. So you’ll have a man with the ultimate eyes, a girl who can see how your chakra moves and the Jinchuuriki of the strongest Biju on your hands… all three will be very, very angry.”

Even _that_ stops Anko in her tracks. She hesitates for a second before scoffing, “The Rinnegan doesn’t exist.”

“Your name is Mitarashi Anko, you’re single, you were the student of Orochimaru, the traitorous Sannin and people judge you by that. You have a Cursed Seal on your neck, courtesy of said sensei and you hate it. You have snake summons and a knack for poisons.” Kenji says in a monotone, “And by attacking me, you will be showing that Konoha doesn’t honour alliances, no matter how ruined the village is.”

Then Kenji says the next sentence in a very serious tone, “So, choose your next movements very, very wisely.”

Anko slowly backs off, her hand pressed against her neck, eyes wide and slightly quivering. Kenji turns towards the one-way mirror, “You now should have realised that I have more information on Konoha than most Shinobi have. If I wanted to ruin Konoha, I would have done it already.”

Kenji stands up and turns to the door, then he stops, “Oh yeah, Anko-san,” He says in his cheerful voice, “If you want that Cursed Seal removed, come to the Naruto-kun’s house. I’ll gladly take it away.”

Then the redhead Uzumaki leaves.

Anko is still shaking.

 

 

~*~                                                                                           

 

 

Anko storms back into the Jounin Standby Station and slumps down onto a chair, next to Ibiki and Genma, and declares loudly, “I’m getting wasted tonight.”

“Even you couldn’t get him?” Genma asks in a dubious voice. Anko flushes and puts down her head, “He’s a tough nut to crack. I don’t have that strength.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Anko?” Genma demands. Ibiki shakes his head, “Genma, leave it. Let me guess, Anko, he said something you really didn’t want to hear, right?”

“Yup.”

“I see.”

Genma blinked at the shared looks both of the best interrogators in T&I gave, then both Ibiki and Anko sighed and their moods droop even further.

“How about I try?” Genma asks innocently.

Anko and Ibiki nod, “Let’s all get drunk tonight, together.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Genma drags himself into the Jounin Standby Station, three senbon sticking out of his arm, another four in his back.

“I tried the Uzumaki brat’s house. The redhead didn’t take too kindly to that.” Genma says before anybody asks.

Ibiki nods and Anko raises her sake, “Let’s get blitzed!”

Genma takes up the sake and raises his as well, “For these fools who get defeated by the same redhead.”

“For these fools who get defeated by the same redhead.” Ibiki and Anko repeat and they all down their alcohol.

 

~*~

 

Naruto cheers as he’s met with a breakfast of toast and bacon and eggs. Naruto digs in happily, while Kenji watches carefully. Naruto stops for a second, sending a searching look towards his…Uncle? Cousin? Father?

“Nah, don’t worry,” Kenji replies to the unasked question, “I’m not your dad… I guess I’m a cousin? You just reminded me of the tales of Kushina.”

“Kushina? As in my mum?” Naruto asks. Kenji nods, “Yes, Kushina was said to have a personality like yours… though I’m not sure. I never met with her and I only found out about her a few years after Uzushio fell.”

“Uzu…shio?” Naruto says slowly. Kenji smiles warmly, “Uzushio was our motherland. The Uzumaki were the most prominent clan, almost like the Uchiha before they were wiped out. Whirlpool was a humble country, I’d suppose. My parents told me that the people there were content with their land and borders, they wanted nothing with other countries so the people gradually grew stronger by themselves, relying on only each other. That strength was what led to Uzushio’s downfall… Iwa and Kiri were afraid that Uzushio would come to Konoha’s aid during the war and they would completely turn the tables because of their fuiinjutsu.”

Naruto cannot breathe because the words that come out of Kenji’s mouth are so, so terribly sad and it seems almost like the souls of Uzushio are pressing against his chest and are inside his lungs and they’re trying to go everywhere, all at once.

Naruto manages to squeeze out, “What’s fuuinjutsu?” And Kenji answers, “Seals. Uzushio was known for their adeptness in seals. I might teach it to you.”

The souls of his clansmen are happy. They release Naruto from their so very cold grip and Naruto sucks in a breath of air.

“Fuuinjutsu.” Naruto tosses the word around in his mouth, deciding that he likes the way it sounds. Kenji makes a noise of agreement, “Yep, by the way… Aren’t you late for something?”

Naruto looks at the time for a second, the numbers registering in his brain, “I’m late for team placements!”

Naruto immediately ups and barrels out of the small apartment, leaving Kenji alone.

The window shatters and Anko’s standing there, holding her head, “Ah, I have a hangover.” And Kenji gives her a _look_.

“What do you want?”

“Ooh, touchy. Don’t look at me like that, you seem like you’re going to eat me for dinner like a fox.”

“You should know better than to intrude upon a fox’s den.” Kenji says, his eyes turning to cerulean chips of ice. Anko shrugs, “While I’m still hungover, before I get my better judgement back. You said you can remove my seal. Do it.”

“You’re incoherent.”

“Take away my seal while I still have terrible judgement. Remove it.” Anko rephrases. Kenji shrugs again, “Is that how you ask for a favour?”

Anko grits her teeth, “ _Please,_ while I have a massive headache, _please_ remove my Cursed Seal.”

“That’s better.” Kenji says and throws Anko over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Anko doesn’t protest as she feels an instance of vertigo set in.

“Don’t throw up on me.”

Anko gladly disobeys.

 

 

~*~

 

Naruto comes home and sees a woman lying on the couch which his cousin usually occupies and is instantly suspicious.

A trench coat is flung over the chair at the table and there is ink spilt on the ground.

The woman is also wearing fishnets.

And her clothes are rumpled and displaced.

Kenji comes into the room, startling the blonde. Kenji has a towel around his neck and his crimson hair is dripping.

“Kenji-nii! Did you… With _this lady?_ Kenji-nii! Have I ever told you how bad you are at making choices? How do **I** know you aren’t taking advantage of her? Is she a _prostitute?_ ” Naruto wails. Kenji sighs, “No, Naruto, I did not, I am not, you don't need to, she is not. Stop jumping to conclusions. _Look underneath the underneath.”_

“Huh?”

“Anyway, how was your day?” Kenji asks. Naruto glares at the obvious change of subject, “It was fine.”

“Really?” Kenji seems sceptical.

“No, it really wasn’t,” Naruto grumbles, “I’m on a genin team with Sakura-chan, which is good, but I’m also with Sasuke-teme. Our Jounin leader is also a lazy, perverted old man.”

“How old?”

“I don’t know! He’s got grey hair.” Naruto throws his hands up in the air.

“That ‘old man’ is called Hatake Kakashi. He’s a well-respected Jounin who fights well. He’s also a year older than me.” Kenji puts in pleasantly, “He’s twenty-seven.”

“EH? You’re twenty-six? That’s old.”

“I am not as old as the Hokage.” Kenji says in such a happy voice that Naruto feels the impending doom.

“Y-you’re right, Hokage-jiji is _really_ old.” Naruto quickly agrees. A weight seems to lift off the blonde and Naruto can breathe easier.

“Who’s that, anyway?” Naruto asks, poking the woman. Kenji shrugs, “A woman.”

“I can see that, but what’s she doing here?”

“I did her a favour.”

“So you screwe—“

“Nope.” Kenji had a hand over Naruto’s mouth, “I removed something that was bothering her.”

“Like her clothes—“

“ _No,”_ The heaviness seemed to return in the one word and Naruto decides that sardonic humour may not be the best option.

“When do you have your genin initiation test?” Kenji asks absent-mindedly. Naruto replies, “Tomorrow,” and he leaves the room, trying to get rid of the cold shiver down his spine.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Kenji-nii, why are you coming as well?” Naruto asks as they walk down the path. Anko had left early in the morning with a loud crash, breaking through another window.

Kenji shrugs, “I want to see what the big deal is with the ‘Last Uchiha’.”

As the two Uzumaki’s approach the training ground, a female figure emerges.

“Is that Sakura?” Kenji asks. Naruto nods excitedly, and Kenji frowns, “you could do so much better.”

Naruto blinks, _“What?_ Sakura-chan’s the best!”

“Hyuuga Hinata perhaps? She’s had a crush on you for a long time from what I’ve seen.”

“Hinata-chan?”

“Maybe Yamanaka Ino? Nah, she’s a bit controlling.”

“Ew… Ino.”

“Tenten?”

“Who’s that?”

“She’s a year older than you…”

“Gross.”

 “But she’s Neji’s girl…”

“Who’s Neji?”

“Hm… I think Hinata’s your best shot.”

“ _Are you even listening to me?”_

Haruno Sakura is listening to the playful banter going on between the two males. Kenji nudges Naruto, “Introduce me to Sakura.”

“Right! Sakura-chan! This is Uzumaki Kenji-nii, he’s my cousin.” Naruto say cheerfully. Kenji raises a hand in greeting and skims his eyes over the small frame of the pink haired girl.

Sakura is still short, her hair as pink as ever and Kenji feels as if she’s still so young, so immature, but he can see the shadow of the greatness she achieves. Sakura is shy and keeps her eyes locked on the ground as she blushes and stammers out a hasty introduction.

Kenji smiles, “You know, Sakura-chan,” He starts conversationally, “You seem knowledgeable.”

Sakura frowns, “Is that a jab at my forehead?”

Kenji gives Sakura a strange look and stares intimately at her forehead.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it.” He announces. Sakura’s eyes widen slightly.

“I was implying that I once knew a girl, she was timid and she was smart. She became a great medic, and, if she was alive, she probably could have surpassed Tsunade of the Sannin.” Kenji says, causing Sakura to blink, “Tsunade?”

“Yup, she was so strong. But…” Kenji pauses and leans down, so that he’s Sakura’s eye-level, “I think you could surpass them both.”

Naruto, surprisingly, had stayed quiet the entire time and Sakura has a tiny bit of hope that maybe the idiot knew how to read a situation. Kenji straightens and threads Naruto’s hand through his own and gives the blonde a little reassuring squeeze, “And you, Naruto-kun, I think that you’ll excel in sealing and ninjutsu.”

Naruto brightens up and beams like the sun, “I’m gonna’ learn everything you have to throw at me, and then I’ll rib Hokage-jiji until I learn every single ninjutsu he knows, then I’ll be better than all of you!”

Kenji smiles, “But first, have I ever told you my favourite technique? It’s called Kawarimi, and you already know it.”

“Aw, but that one’s boring!” Naruto whines. Kenji ruffles the blonde’s hair, “I’ll show you how useful it is later.”

Sakura speaks up suddenly, “Kenji-san,” Because calling him ‘Uzumaki’ is weird because Sakura would think she’s talking to Naruto, “Tsunade of the Sannin, doesn’t she augment her strength with chakra?”

“Yes, she’s also a frontline medic.”

“Awesome! Medic’s usually aren’t on the frontline, it’s too dangerous, but Tsunade-sama must be so strong!” Sakura explains to Naruto, who seems confused.

Then Sasuke appears, Sakura gives in to her fangirl tendencies and fawns over the Uchiha. But her attention quickly wanes as her thoughts wander over to Uzumaki Kenji.

The man is unfairly attractive, but Sasuke-kun is better, because Sasuke is young enough, well, Kenji looks young as well, but still out of her age grasp. His red hair is almost the colour of blood and Sakura can see Naruto’s facial structure but Kenji’s eyes and probably the most catching thing about him, if you get over the scarlet hair, the blue seems like the sea, or the sky on a beautiful summer day. And his _smile_ is so extraordinarily pretty, although Kenji isn’t feminine at all, you can only describe him so well without using the word.

But now, that pretty face was contorted in something, almost _nostalgic_ as Kenji gazes at Sasuke-kun.

 

~*~

 

Sasuke stiffens slightly at the chattering Naruto and the distracted Sakura and the tall, red man. The man doesn’t say a word of acknowledgement, doesn’t seem to even think of Sasuke apart from the stare at the beginning.

Sasuke tenses, because the man does not respect him, Uchiha Sasuke, from the noble Uchiha clan.

But Sasuke does not say a word, only leans against the bridge railing, staring up at the sky. The man’s eyes are the same colour, Sasuke notices.

“And anyway, so there was a dead mouse lying there, in my apartment,”

“Ew, that’s so gross, Naruto-baka!”

“Yeah, Sakura-chan, it was just lying there, _decapitated_ , and its guts were just spilling out of the hole and the head was just staring at me, _on the table_ , so I just picked up both the parts and threw it out the window.”

“That’s disgusting!”

“No, it’s not. I washed my hands afterwards.” Naruto defends. Sasuke only begins to tune in to the conversation when the redhead begins speaking.

“Once, when I was crawling through air vents, I found a dead bird,” He offers, “Its eyes were decomposing and its head was at a strange angle. Its wings were torn off as well.”

Sakura wrinkles her nose.

“It also stunk and some of its feathers had fallen off, who knew eagles looked so weird without their feathers?” The man adds pleasantly. Sasuke clenches his fists, because the older person still will not acknowledge the Uchiha.

Naruto suddenly notices Sasuke, “Oh, yeah, Sasuke-teme, this is Kenji-nii, he’s my cousin.”

Naruto says the last part proudly and Sasuke grunts. Kenji let’s his eyes drift over the dark-haired boy, “You look like your brother.”

Sasuke snaps and sends a kick towards Kenji, who blocks with his forearm.

“That was pretty rude. I’d have thought Uchiha’s would bring up their offspring to be polite and calm.” Kenji says breezily. Sasuke stumbles back, “Tch.”

“Hello, everyone!” Their stupid sensei says, suddenly popping up.

“You’re late!” Naruto and Sakura scream.

Kakashi laughs and smiles, “I was helping little old ladies across the road.”

“LIAR!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, I just realised I put in the tags for Sasori, Deidara, Itachi and Kisame, but that was part of the original story, the one which I deleted, so... Sorry for the mistake. 
> 
> Carrot_Will_Love_Anyone_Who_Leaves_Kudos_And_Comments


	5. Root takes the stage! (Later on in the chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kakashi meets Kenji, Kenji is now a ninja, Kakashi and Kenji spar and Naruto meets Danzo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow update number 5. 
> 
> I think I took too long. This chapter is too short. 
> 
> People probably don't read these, at all.   
> But still,
> 
> Comments and Kudos appreciated! 
> 
> Carrot_Loves_You_For_Having_The_Patience_To_Read_This_Far

Kakashi is almost disappointed at the three’s teamwork.

He had expected more from his sensei’s son and the Last Uchiha and the brightest girl from the Academy.

What he didn’t expect, is the redhead man who is sitting, propped up against a tree and staring at everything and nothing at all. The sapphire eyes dart around, locking onto leaves, trees, grass, anything, focusing and refocusing.

Kakashi clicks his tongue and drops down next to the man, who doesn’t look surprised.

“You must be Hatake Kakashi,” The man says, “Hello. I’m Uzumaki Kenji.”

“Likewise.”

Kakashi drops down to the ground, next to Kenji.

“Are you the one who has Ibiki and Genma annoyed?” Kakashi asks. Kenji laughs, a sad little sound, “I suppose so. Ibiki tried to strangle me, Genma intruded into Naruto-kun’s house. I gave him seven of his senbon back to him.”

Kakashi takes in the redhead man, Kenji has the signature fire-truck crimson hair, reminding the Hatake of a particular Uzumaki from a few years before, but Kenji has such a sad, sad air around him. Almost like he’s walked through hell, seen the end of the world and come back cracked, but not broken. Kenji also has an aura around him, commanding a quiet, terrible power and Kenji seems tired of it, wary and exhausted. It reminds Kakashi of himself, although his own chakra is loud and noticeable.

Kakashi relaxes, because he knows that this man will not attack, not unless he deems another a threat. Kakashi is not a threat, he is not planning to be one, because as strong as the silver-haired man is, the Uzumaki is much, much stronger.

Both of them know that.

So Kakashi sighs, “Are you planning on becoming a ninja?”

“I have the training. I’ll ask the Hokage to become an official Konoha shinobi.” Kenji says in a light voice, “Aren’t you supposed to be testing the kids?”

“Meh, they’ll probably fail.” Kakashi says, “Besides, I sent a shadow clone.”

“You might be surprised.” Kenji says, letting his head fall back against the tree. Kakashi watches the man, before saying, “You’ve been through war.”

“How very blunt of you, but yes, I have.”

“You didn’t have a lot of food.” Kakashi continues, eyeing the man. His cheek is pulled taut against his cheekbones, Kenji’s figure is skinny. Kakashi knows better than most what it feels like to starve, the pain piercing through his stomach, hurting just as much as a sharp kunai or shuriken. Then Kakashi looks back at Kenji from a larger distance and applauds the redhead mentally, because the man has lost everything but simply picked up the pieces and moved on. Finding family and giving all the love Naruto had missed out in his life, in the span of two-three days. That kind of selflessness is one that Kakashi will never achieve.

“No.” Kenji says, breaking Kakashi out of his musings. Kakashi gives a quick glance around, then settles his stare on Kenji’s outfit.

The clothes the Uzumaki wears are sensible, the shirt is wrapped tight around his torso, ensuring no loose fabric, but not stretched enough so that he is not able to hide weapons, his pants were dark and again, close-fitting and his shoes…

“What’s up with your sandals?” Kakashi asks before he can stop himself. Kenji glances down at his feet, “They’re rubber soles. It’s quieter to move around and much more comfortable.”

“Ah.” Kakashi replied and both of the men settle into a comfortable silence.

The timer rings.

“Well, I suppose time’s up. They’ll fail.” Kakashi says with as much cheer as he can. Kenji shrugs, “Sure.”

Kakashi dismisses the redhead’s knowing grin and disappears.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kakashi despairs as he walks into the Jounin Standby Station, moping, he flops down onto a chair by Genma’s table.

“Help me, Genma!” He wails.

Genma coos out in a mocking, sweet voice, “What’s wrong, Kaka-chan?”

“I have a genin team.” Kakashi replies.

“Good job, I thought you’d fail them this time as well.” Genma chuckles. Kakashi sighs, “It’s that damn Kenji. He unnerved me. He _grinned_ when I told him that they’ll fail. And guess what? They didn’t.”

Genma perks up slightly, “Kenji?”

“Yup, Uzumaki Kenji. Red hair, blue eyes, him? Apparently he’s not even a Konoha citizen.” The Hatake says. Genma nods in confirmation, “He’s technically trespassing but Hokage-sama wants to make him an official ninja. He says we need all the strong people we can get, especially after the Kyuubi attack, the other countries are probably waiting for weakness so they can destroy us.”

“He knows seals.” Genma adds, almost an afterthought. Kakashi sighs once again, “But still, _a genin team_.”

Genma claps him on the back, “Good luck, try not to die.”

 

~*~

 

“Team one?”

“Fail.”

“Team two?”

“Fail.”

“Team three?”

“Fail.”

“Team four?”

“Fail.”

“Team five?”

“Fail.”

“Team six?”

“Fail.”

“Team seven?”

“Pass.”

Silence weighs down upon the room as all eyes turd towards the one-eyed jounin. The Hokage shrugs and writes it down.

“Team eight?”

“Pass.”

“Team Ten?”

“Pass.”

 

~*~

 

Kenji walks through Konoha, his hand threaded through Naruto’s.

“Kenji-nii! You’ve got a hitae-ate now! You’re a Konoha ninja, just like me!” Naruto cheers. Kenji smiles, “Yep, but the Hokage doesn’t know what rank to give me, so that’s why I’m going to be fighting Kakashi-sensei.”

Naruto crinkles his nose in distaste, “Why do you call him Kakashi-sensei?”

“Because, he’s a teacher, even if he wasn’t, I’d have to call him ‘Kakashi-senpai’ or ‘Kakashi-san’, either way, it’s strange.” Kenji shrugs. Naruto whines, “But Kakashi-sensei doesn’t even do anything! He probably can’t even fight, he didn’t avoid that eraser!”

“You’ll see how well he can fight.”

Naruto brightens.

 

 

~*~

 

Kenji and Kakashi give the customary size-up as they circle each other carefully, both have standard katanas in hand.

Kenji would win, if he wants to go all-out, Kenji knows this, Kakashi knows this. But this is a Tai and Kenjutsu spar.

Naruto is off to the side, watching impatiently.

Kakashi begins the spar with a lunge, sword coming in a downward slash. Kenji moves to the right and shifts his momentum slightly, twisting, using a cleaving motion. Kakashi pushes himself forward and out of the sword’s range before pivoting on his heel quickly, bringing his sword up to block the second strike of the incoming blade.

Naruto watches with wide eyes as he sees the two men prance around with unfamiliar katas, seemingly dancing together, the melodies are quick clashes of metal upon metal.

Naruto turns around quickly as he feels a small tap on his back, cocking his head slightly as he observes the blank-masked ANBU.

“Come with me.” The ANBU says in a voice that Naruto feels is supposed to excite him. Naruto frowns, “Kenji-nii says not to follow strangers.”

“But a very important man needs your help, only _yours_.” The ANBU says, voice dropping to a whisper. Naruto feels a small spark of enthusiasm spike inside of him.  Naruto begins to feel slightly giddy, because ANBU are personal soldiers of the Hokage, then a small part of him whispers, _“Have you ever seen this mask before?”_

Naruto blinks slightly, the ANBU seems to notice his hesitation because he continues, “And when that man is finished with your help, which _only you can provide_ , he’ll give you a reward.”

“What is it?” Naruto asks. The ANBU stops for a second, then murmurs out quietly, “ _Candy.”_

Naruto immediately recoils, hand snapping out of the ANBU’s grip, realising that this probably isn’t an ANBU.

“Kenji-nii _always_ tells me never to get tempted by candy! He says candy is bait!” Naruto snarls, the ANBU pauses for a second, “But this man needs _your_ help.”

Naruto falters for a second, before puffing up his chest as a challenge, “Well tell him that he can come ask for it, _after he speaks to Kenji-nii!”_

“ _Only you can help.”_ The ANBU repeats, almost unsure of how to proceed, Naruto wavers slightly before realising something. _“Genjutsu.”_

Naruto raises his hands into a ram seal and screams, “Kai!” and lets out a spike of chakra.

And _everything_ is so much clearer. Naruto is in a dark room, the ANBU standing slightly off to the side and an old man in front of him.

“Good job, Uzumaki Naruto.” The old man says, “My name is Shimura Danzo and I think it’s about time you learn about your past.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kenji and Kakashi are still sparring, blades crossed ad locked in battle until Kenji stops short, their breathing irregular and laboured.

Kenji’s breath hitches as he realises his younger counterpart is not where he was a few seconds ago.

Focusing on ending the spar quickly, Kenji pretends to make a mistake, tripping over his own foot and stumbling. Kakashi falls for it and leaps forward, brandishing his sword.

Kakashi pushes Kenji to the ground, sitting upon the man’s chest.

Once the cool metal blade is pressed against Kenji’s jugular, Kakashi demands, “Yield.”

Kenji smirks and repeats the Hatake’s words, “Yield.”

Kakashi freezes for a second, realising that he forgot to disarm the redhead. Kenji’s katana is pressed up against the back of Kakashi’s neck.

“Well, this is simply a matter of who acts faster.” Kakashi states. Kenji nods and they both relax and withdraw. Kakashi helps Kenji up, both bow and re-sheath their katanas.

“Good match.” Kakashi comments. Kenji nods, a faraway look on his face, “You too, thanks, see you, bye.”

Then Kenji turns on his heel briskly and leaps onto a tree.

Then he feels a large burst of chakra coming from the one place he dreaded.

Root headquarters.

Kenji feels an icy piece of lead drop into his stomach and begins to make his way as quickly as possible to Ne HQ, he had to get there fast.

Naruto is still young and immature and impressionable.

Who knew what poisonous whispers and ideas he could put into the young Jinchuuriki’s mind?

 

~*~

 

“You see, everything I do is for the good of Konoha.” Danzo continues. Naruto gives him a disapproving look, “You turn shinobi into emotionless weapons.”

“Shinobi are meant to emotionless weapons.” Danzo replies. Naruto sighs, “I don’t see your logic…People are shinobi, right? People have feelings.”

“Tch, this is exactly why I wanted to get to you before you got older.” Danzo tuts. Naruto blinks, “ _Excuse me?_ You want to get me before I got older?”

Naruto hisses out a curse and backs away from the old man, “You know what?” Naruto snaps, “I’ll leave you alone. You can go ‘ _get’_ other little kids.”

Naruto grumbles out a word that sounds slightly like ‘Pedophile’ and turns away, “You and your fake ANBU can leave now.”

Danzo narrows his eye, “Kinoe, apprehend.”

Naruto blinks, because the one-eyed old man barks out the order like the other fake-ANBU is a dog. Naruto doesn’t understand when the fake-ANBU obeys without a word.

Large trees sprout from the ground, wrapping and twisting, holding Naruto down and in place. Naruto’s breath quickens when he realises that his chakra is slowly, slowly beginning to lock away, suppressing his chakra to the point where he can no longer feel it.

Naruto’s consciousness drains away and he feels being carried somewhere.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kenji tears through the ANBU headquarters, various shinobi of different ranks trying to stop him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Kakashi demands, landing in front of the redhead. Kenji stops, “They have Naruto-kun.”

“What?”

“When we were sparring! They took Naruto-kun!” Kenji says, tangling his hands through his wild mane of hair.

“Who?”

“You know, _they_ , Root, Ne, Danzo!” Kenji almost screams. Kakashi raises an eyebrow, “How do you know about Root?”

“I have contacts, they tell me about a shady ANBU branch, I find my cousin missing, _I’m going to tear them apart, limb from limb!”_ Kenji snarls, rushing past the silver-haired Jounin. Kenji presses a seal onto the ground and retreats immediately.

The ground explodes and a dark chasm is revealed.

“You’re not planning on going down there, are you?” Kakashi asks cautiously. Kenji shrugs, flipping a lock of garnet red hair over his shoulder, “I’ve done crazier things.”

Then Kenji takes a step off the edge and plummets down.

 

~*~

“He’s not here!” Kenji yells, sending a harsh kick against the stone wall.

“That damn bastard took away Naruto-kun! I’ll _murder_ him!”

Kenji calms himself and settles down quietly.

Then, a large, familiar burst of chakra erupts from underneath him.

 

~*~

 

 

Naruto regains consciousness to a room, children scattered around.

“Hello?” Naruto asks, waving a hand in front of a deathly pale boy. The boy blinks and repeats, “Hello.”

Naruto smiles, “Hi, I’m Naruto! Do you know where we are?”

The boy looks frightened, “Don’t say it!”

“Say what?”

“Your name! If you say it too loudly, they’ll hear, and they’ll make you hurt!” The boy hurries. Naruto tilts his head, “Who?”

“ _Them!”_ The boy gestures to the taller adults marching around the room. Naruto frowns, “But they’re just adults.”

“They too away Shin’s ear.” The boy hisses. Naruto sighs, “What’s your name?”

“I don’t know.” The boy admits quietly. Naruto almost laughs, “You don’t know? How can you not know?”

“I just don’t! I’m Eleven, Shin is Eight, you are…” The boy pauses for a second, walking briskly behind Naruto and pulling out a label stuck on the back of his orange jumpsuit, “You are twenty-nine.”

“No, I’m not, I’m Naruto.” Naruto insists. Naruto puffs out his chest, “Uzumaki Naruto!”

The old man from before comes in, “Twenty-nine, come here.”

Naruto stubbornly refuses, feet staying rooted to the spot. Danzo narrows his eyes, “Twenty-nine, come here, right now!”

Naruto flops down into a cross-legged sitting position, adamant about disobeying the old man.

All eyes turn towards him.

“No.” Naruto says, “I will not be your dog.”

“Twenty-nine! Come here, this instant!” Danzo yells, pointing at the spot in front of him. Naruto shakes his head again. Danzo storms over and raises a hand, “You _will_ obey. You _will_ become the perfect weapon. _I will not tolerate disobedience. You are mine.”_

“I am no one’s except for Kenji-nii’s!” Naruto hisses back, “Kenji-nii will come here, and he’ll kill you all!”

“Listen here, you demon!”

Naruto stills, eyes wide.

“You are mine! You will obey my every command, you will throw away all your emotions and _you will become the perfect weapon!”_ Danzo orders. Naruto doesn’t budge. Danzo lets his hand fall, striking the little blonde boy on the cheek, sending Naruto flying against a wall.

Naruto makes a cross hand sign and shouts, “Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!”

Fifty Naruto’s appear in a large puff of smoke, advancing on the old man and the other fake-ANBU.

Naruto grins as his clones lunge forward, delivering kicks and punches, clawing and scratching at anything.

But the fake-ANBU are too good, they dispel every single clone.

Naruto backs away slowly.

“Twenty-nine.” Danzo says, no hesitation in his voice, “Come here.”

Then the roof shatters and a flash of red is seen. Kenji-nii lands in front of Naruto, eyes glinting dangerously and a feral snarl at his lips.

“Uzumaki Kenji,” Danzo sneers. Kenji cracks his knuckles, “I usually don’t beat up old men, but for you, I’ll make a special exception.”

Kenji lunges forwards, an enraged howl ripping from his mouth, Naruto spies a thin layer of chakra coating his cousin’s nails as the redhead leaps forward, tearing away at the Root members attempting to defend Danzo.

Naruto feels a grin spilling from his lips as he silently cheers on his family member, not really caring that the man was performing a massacre as more and more Root soldiers flood into the room.

Nothing can stop Kenji-nii.

Naruto feels giddy that it’s because of _him_ , that Kenji is giving such a demonstration.

If nothing can stop Kenji-nii.

Nothing can stop Naruto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! Chapter 5 finish. 
> 
> It's too short for me, but oh well.   
> Please tell me about any mistakes that I make.
> 
> Comments and Kudos make Carrot happy!
> 
> Carrot_Loves_You


	6. Three little sprouts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenji is forced to clean up his mess and he distributes spores.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! I've updated! 
> 
> Yes, I am alive and well, RL prevented me from updating as well as my own laziness but I'm here with a new update so that's all that really matters!

When Kakashi decides to throw caution to the wind and jumps in through the dark, gaping hole, he falls far longer than he expects. But when he does land, he is surprised at the scene.

He is standing in a sea of bodies, most of them still warm, while a familiar redhead is cleaving his way through an abundant amount of masked people.

Kakashi does not recognise any masks.

The Hatake turns over the nearest body with his foot, covered mouth gaping slightly open.

The dead man’s gut is pooling out, the intestines and blood creating a little puddle underfoot through four, _deep_ gashes which had torn the person’s armour apart.

But Kakashi is too worn and jaded to hesitate from the corpse’s wounds, so he lets his grey eye search over the numerous bodies, analysing each and every single one, noting that each have similar wounds.

So Kakashi pulls his hitae-ate up and observes the aggressive Uzumaki, who is clawing his way through the dense population of unfamiliar-masked people. Uzumaki shows no mercy as he puts his hands together and creates a cross-sign.

“Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!” Kenji cries out and three other forms appear. Two flick their fingers and chakra concentrates at their hands, encasing the digits with sharp blue flames to create claws. The other one begins to usher out the Root kids, chirping out soothing sweet little words and giving gentle shoves. The children keep looking back, wondering if they should defend their leader like they were taught to.

One look at the wild beast protecting it’s young from a threatening warmonger and the kids turn their eyes away, allowing themselves to be herded into a straight line.

Kakashi watches, perplexed, as the Shadow Clone escorting the Root children out, brushes by a blonde. Naruto is staring wide-eyed and grinning at the scene in front of him, watching three cousins murder in cold blood. Kakashi stares as his blonde student’s finger twitch and he creates a cross sign.

Shadow clones fill up the available space and begins attacking the loyal Root members.

Kakashi has a dull moment of realisation at the original Kenji’s target. _Danzo._

Kakashi curses and begins to make his way over to the Elder, just as Kenji bursts through the fray and leaps onto the old man. The other redhead clones cleave their way through, defending Kenji’s back as they maul Root operatives.

“Now, Uzumaki Kenji, I’m only doing this all for the good of Konoha—“ Danzo starts. Kenji pays the old coot no heed as he begins raking his claws through whatever they could find purchase on. Danzo lets out a strangled scream and manages to appear next to the raging man.

Kenji lunges toward the elder with an inhumane snarl and, though only for a second, Kakashi spots something in Kenji’s eyes, something that an animal would possess, no thoughts except for, _protect, protect, kilkillkillkill! Threats all around!_

Kakashi has a feeling that he’s seen those things in the eyes of Minato-sensei, desperate war veterans, families of people lost in fights and even sometimes, himself.

Kakashi knows what can bring out that animalistic rage in a man, having brought it out in many other people before.

And it seems that Kakashi has found Kenji’s weak point. Kakashi sends a glance down at a corpse at his feet, _ok, maybe it’s not so much as a weak point, perhaps a strong point,_ Kakashi thinks for a second, before turning his attention to the Elder and the redhead.

“Kenji! What the hell are you doing?” Kakashi cries out in alarm as the Uzumaki drags his chakra claws across Danzo’s face.

Kenji doesn’t even stop for a second on his assault as he continues tearing away at whatever even _resembles_ Danzo. Then Kenji speeds up, hits strikes coming in quicker and harder until Danzo’s defence lags for a second.

That miniscule opening is all that Kenji needs to plunge his hand, sharp claws an all, straight through the man’s chest.

Kakashi almost sees himself, his lightning fist going through Rin’s chest, before the image is shattered with an inhumane sound coming from deep within the redhead’s throat.

Kenji lets out a growl, before speaking in a mocking tone, “You know, Dan-zo, no matter how many Sharingan you implant into yourself, or your arm, you need chakra to sustain it all. And guess where your chakra core is?”

Danzo gurgles with fear as he tries hard to breath, but Kenji pulls out his arm, just enough to dig around the man’s body, and, with that insane, beastly glint in his eyes, hiding the cleverness and intelligence, “I don’t care how many Sharingan you have, I don’t care about the political power you possess, I don’t care if you have an illegal branch of ANBU, I will only care when you become a problem, _which you have,_ and I will only care when you do the stupidest things, _you came after Naruto-kun_ , therefore, I have absolutely no choice but to do this.”

The unnerving smile that Kenji manages to pull off is a tactic that Kakashi himself had used more than once, being polite or empathic or telling the enemy their flaws will unsettle the enemy, give them paranoia and the highest sensation of fear.

Kenji clenches his fist, Kakashi can tell from the way that his muscles tense, and Kenji _yanks._ He wrenches out organs and tissue and bones, not minding that the messy spurt of blood will stain his clothes and skin, giving Kakashi the impression that he is not watching a human, he is watching a _demon_.

Danzo trembles for a minute, letting out a small groan of agony, reminding the silver-haired man that the Elder was conscious, _the entire time,_ before the bandaged man fall to the ground, nerveless.

Kenji wipes blood off his hands, picking out pieces of flesh from under his nails, and the chakra claws dissipate.

Kakashi feels like he has watched a wild animal play around with its prey, because Kenji _knew_. Kenji knew how exactly to defeat Danzo, knew how to defeat the _Sharingan._

And Kakashi knows that Kenji has gained the knowledge through direct confrontation. Kakashi’s mouth freezes with fear as Kenji turns his predatory gaze upon him, before the look softens to something… almost _fond_ , and Kakashi cannot work his jaw properly.

Then Kenji turns to Naruto and gathers him up into a hug, whispering quiet nothings into the blonde’s ear and the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki dispels his clones.

Naruto lets out an almost inaudible sob through the blood-soaked cloth of Kenji’s clothes, who pays the drying crimson stains no mind as he pets the blonde wordlessly.

Kakashi watches the scene for a moment before turning his gaze over to the corpse of the dead Elder. The front of the man is a mangled, bloody mess, leaking out scarlet liquid onto the ground, his wounds are deep and merciless.

The other two Kenji-clones disappear as ANBU trickle into the scene, followed by a grave-looking Hokage.

“Uzumaki Kenji, what is the meaning for this?” Sarutobi asks in a disapproving tone. Kenji glances up, meeting the gaze of one of the strongest protectors of the village with an equally cool gaze.

“That man is a power-grabbing, treasonous, warmonger. He has stolen several Sharingan and implanted them into his eye and arm from the corpses of the Uchiha from the Uchiha Massacre. I believe he was the one to initiate the Uchiha Massacre with some outside help. He also attempted to lay one of his filthy fingers onto Naruto-kun. I cannot stand having to tolerate such behaviour, so I eliminated the threat at its _Roots.”_ Kenji says, implying something that Kakashi is unaware of.

The Hokage sighs through his nose and nods, “ANBU, clean up this mess. Bring all bodies to the morgue and bring all survivors to me. We’ll see what we should do with them.”

The ANBU obey silently as they disperse. Sarutobi turns to Kenji, “What shall I do with you, I wonder?”

“Who knows?” Kenji replies, his eyes shining with cunning and intellect.

Kakashi feels that he’s had enough of watching the beast prowl about and disappears with a Shunshine.

 

~*~

 

“ _What?”_ Kenji almost chokes on air. The Third Hokage is sitting at his desk, fingers laced together and an almost unnoticeable smirk pulling at his lips.

Times like this make Kenji feel like Hokage-jiji has a really terrible, sadistic sense of humour.

“You heard me.” Sarutobi says and Kenji almost strangles the man.

Sarutobi speaks slowly, almost like he’s talking to a three-year-old, “You shall be responsible of three Root members, taking them in as a guise of a genin team. You will also be responsible of the distribution of the remaining members of Root among our shinobi.”

“ _Why?”_ Kenji spits out. The Hokage sighs, “Well, I wouldn’t know… maybe the murder of an important figure of Konoha who was a councilman?”

“But Danzo’s a traitor!”

“Who was in charge of an illegal ANBU branch. You killed Danzo, you have taken up his role as head of Root.”

Kenji develops a small facial twitch.

“And so you are responsible for a multitude of people.”

Kenji’s fists clench and a vein pops on his forehead.

“Do you disagree with my reasoning and logic?”

The Sandaime levels the redhead with a stern, cynical glare, almost _daring_ Kenji to respond negatively.

_Breathe in for four seconds… Breathe out for six seconds… inhale… exhale…_

Kenji’s shoulders slump slightly, “Fine,” And he spits out the next words as if they were poison, “ _Hokage-sama.”_

 

~*~

 

 _Rat-a-tat-tat-ta-tat!_ A loud knock echoes on the Yamanaka household door. Inoichi glances at the clock in the kitchen… 4 am. _Too early for a Hokage summon, too late for a mission… What the hell is it?_

The incessant knocking begins to grow in volume so Inoichi palms a kunai and heads cautiously to the door, prepared to take out any attackers.

One does not experience war and survive without gaining paranoia and horribly good reflexes.

So when Inoichi swings the door open, he is (sort of) pleasantly surprised to spot a wild mane of bright red hair.

The Yamanaka clan head identifies the outsider as the man Ino came in contact with a while ago, when she had graduated from the Academy. Inoichi also identifies this man as the one who had bested T&I’s best interrogators, Ibiki and Anko, and sent Genma away with his tail between his legs with several senbon.

Uzumaki Kenji, they had told him, was an enigma who was not one to be trifled with, who holds great loyalty towards his younger blonde cousin and is also gay.

But the man in front of the previous head of T&I does not look like a mystery and does not seem threatening, the man in front of him seems loyal and also slightly gay. He looks feminine and harried and distraught in an almost endearing way.

Then Inoichi notices.

Inoichi _notices._

The clan head spots a small army of children, all young, following behind Uzumaki with varying degrees of emotion.

Kenji sighs and brings up the first three children nearest to him, “Hey, you can take care of these three kids, they all have some skill and do not have families so please treat them with the care and respect that you would to your own.”

Then Kenji abruptly turns on his heel and darts off, leaving three children staring curiously up at Inoichi.

“ _What?”_

 

~*~

 

And outraged cries spread throughout the village.

 

~*~

 

“Holy hell!” Inoichi drops down onto the chairs. Chouza and Shikaku stare at him inquisitively.

“Is this about the kids the redhead dropped at all the clans?” Shikaku asks. Inoichi turns disbelieving eyes at his long-time friend, “It’s happening _everywhere?”_

“Yeah. It’s really too troublesome.” Shikaku yawns. Chouza chuckles, “Ever since those eight were put in our clan, the Akimichi compound has really brightened up.”

“That’s nice. The three I got placed with are hellions.” Inoichi sighs.

“My five are really too troublesome. Tsume and Shibi didn’t really know what to do with theirs. Apparently the Hyuuga are angry with being saddled with kids who don’t have a Byakugan... They got _thirteen_ children. The Hokage turned down their complaints.”

“And I was hoping that I would be able to visit a clan that wasn’t overrun with tiny brats. It’s the apocalypse!” Inoichi says dramatically.

Chouza nods his head in agreement while Shikaku slumps down further with a, “Troublesome.”

 

~*~

 

Kenji squints at the three children in front of him.

They stare back.

“So I understand that this guy is called Shin… And he’s the only one who has a name.” Kenji speaks. Shin nods with a bright smile, “And he’s Sai!”

Kenji sighs because just his luck, he gets Sai… Kenji will probably end up with a pathetically insulting nickname.

“And you?”

The girl blinks back at him, “I… don’t have a name.”

“Then choose one!” Shin exclaims. The girl thinks for a second, “I think I would like to be… Haruka?”

“Then what’s your name, pansy-sensei?”

Kenji suddenly had an urge to smother Sai with a pillow… in the face… for ten minutes… particularly blocking Sai’s mouth and nose.

Luckily Shin spoke up before Kenji could murder the pale boy, “Sai, it’s not very nice to say that to people! If you were going to give him a title, make it less offensive... like girly-sensei.”

“But I’m perfectly describing pansy-sensei.”

Forget suffocating Sai, Kenji was going to _rain down a world of hurt._ On _both_ Shin and Sai.

“Ahem, my name is Uzumaki Kenji.” The redhead reigned in his homicidal feelings as Haruka crinkled her nose, “I don’t like that name… It doesn’t have a nice feel. Your family name sucks.”

Kenji was behind Haruka in a second and had her in a headlock. Haruka let out a small squeak.

“I’ll let you know that the Uzumaki clan was the most prominent clan of Whirlpool and the fall of Uzushio took out a large majority of Kiri and Iwa’s army which allowed Konoha to win the Second Shinobi War.” Kenji’s voice had dropped to below zero.

Haruka fell unconscious.

Kenji raised an eyebrow to the two awake students, “Am I a pansy now?”

Both nod their heads and Kenji exhales through his nose and says, “We’ll start training. When Haruka wakes up, she’ll join in.”

 _“Now,”_ Says a crimson beast with a sadistic smile, “Shall we begin?”

Two little sprouts gulp as an animal brandishes it’s claws.

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 complete! 
> 
> In this update there will also be another chapter, but it's a tad bit short. 
> 
> Since nobody probably reads these anyway, I'll just go ahead and put in a cookie recipe:
> 
> Preheat oven to 160°C. Line 2 baking trays with non-stick paper. Beat 150g softened butter, 1/2 cup caster sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract for 1-2 minutes or until smooth and well combined. Beat in 1 egg.
> 
> Stir in 1 3/4 cups plain flour in two batches. Stir in 1/2 cup dark choc bits and 1/2 cup milk choc bits until evenly distributed. Spoon tablespoonfuls of the mixture into balls and place on the lined trays. Press down slightly.
> 
> Bake for 15-18 minutes or until light golden and cooked. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.


	7. Pansy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short, short filler chapter in which Kenji is a pansy

Naruto comes home and sees three people, two boys and a girl, lying on the couch which his cousin usually occupies and is instantly suspicious.

Naruto also has a sense of déjà vu and reminds himself that they need to buy a bed for Kenji-nii.

The first boy is pale and has black hair like Sasuke-teme, the second girl has brown hair and looks plain and the last boy has dull grey hair and is a bit tan.

All three of them look slightly beat up and are all tied up separately. 

Kenji comes into the room, startling the blonde. Kenji has a towel around his neck and his crimson hair is dripping.

Naruto lets out a quiet wail and points accusingly at the three outsiders in their apartment, “ _Now_ I find out that you’re a pedophile? What is wrong with you, Kenji-nii? Is that why you want to live with me? Do you watch me while I’m asleep?”

“No I am _not_ a pedophile, nothing is wrong with me, Naruto-kun, _no_ , I do not want to live with you because I like children, _no_ I do not watch you while you sleep.” Kenji says.

“Then who are _they?_ ” Naruto cries. Kenji sighs, “My poor, unfortunate, genin team that the Hokage forced upon me.”

“Why does it seem like you’re into bondage?”

“They called me a pansy!” Kenji protests as if that justifies _bondage._ Naruto racks his brain for the definition of ‘pansy’… Sakura-chan once said that it meant ‘gay’ or ‘wimpy’ or ‘feminine’…

Naruto takes a long, hard look at his cousin.

Kenji-nii _looks_ wimpy and girly… and… actually kinda gay.

So Naruto nods resolutely and says, “I think they were right... You look like a pansy.”

Naruto never saw Kenji coming at him with the rope.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kakashi doesn’t really know what’s happening in his blonde student’s apartment.

Naruto is tied up and unconscious in his own house along with three others that are probably Root members.

And Kenji is asleep at the kitchen table, head dropped onto a coaster, a cup of tea in his hands.

Kakashi sighs and raps on the window pleasantly, noting how Kenji’s blue eyes snap open towards the source of noise.

 _Ah,_ Kakashi thinks, _regular warrior paranoia… Maybe should get him to therapy?_

Kenji gets up, drinks all his tea in one gulp and comes over to open the window.

“Kakashi-sensei.” Kenji acknowledges. Kakashi nods and replies, “Kenji-san. I believe that my cute little student is late… even later than me. You’re not into bondage or little kids, are you Kenji-san?”

Kenji lets out a long-suffering noise and says, “What now? You’ll call me a pansy as well? At least it’ll discredit the ‘pedophile theory’.”

Kenji suddenly has a rope in his hands and is staring menacingly at Kakashi, who backs away slightly.  

“You’re not a pansy, even if you are, pansies can be really strong,” Kakashi tries to sound encouraging. Kenji begins advancing, pulling the rope tight in his hands, and Kakashi lets out a yelp and thinks of something desperately, “Like Minato-sensei! He was always called ‘pansy’ by Kushina-nee and he became Hokage!”

Kenji stops and the rope sags slightly, causing Kakashi to let out a small relieved noise. Kenji lets out a quiet noise, “Minato and Kushina, huh?”

“You know them?” Kakashi asks curiously. Kenji shrugs, “I’ve researched them. I knew about Kushina-san, though Minato-san I had a bit of trouble with. The Yondaime Hokage… I used to want to be him, you know? He was like the ultimate role model, and I didn’t even realise… never mind.”

“No, no, do continue.” Kakashi says and Kenji sends him a sharp look, “I know what you want. You want me to spill.”

Kakashi smiles, “But seriously, _seriously,_ you do look like even more of a pansy than Minato-sensei.”

The fond look is gone and Kakashi manages to dodge the first three strikes but the fourth one is a double-combo attack, both rope and fist.

Kakashi doesn’t stand a chance.

 

~*~


	8. Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenji gets attacked, attacks, and I'm getting rid of the Wave arc

Sai is just as bad as he remembers, insults flung around like nothing, but at least Sai had Shin, who never really lost touch of his humanity.

Shin is so much like younger Kenji-when-he-was-Naruto that it almost hurts. But he’s slightly different. Smiles and sunshine, the pointless, blank grins that mean that he doesn’t understand what’s going on. The difference is that Shin is intelligent, Shin is smart, he has patience and understands strategy. Shin is a good-loser and a good-winner. Naruto is a sore-loser and a sore-winner in the way that Naruto boasts when he wins.

Kenji is a sore-but-really-has-no-choice-but-to-become-a-good-loser and he’s a good-winner. Sasuke has, is and always will be a sore-loser-sore-winner. Naruto and Sasuke are alike in that fashion.

Haruka, the easily forgettable other younger previous Root recruit is a sore-loser-good-winner. Sai is a good-loser-sore-winner type.

So Kenji decides to start training by spars and Kenji tells them that anything goes, bloodlines, ninjutsu, Kenjutsu, Taijutsu, whatever works.

Kenji begins with Shin, while the other two watch. Shin immediately launches in a Taijutsu match, sending a kick with considerable force behind, towards Kenji.

Kenji blocks it easily and falls into his own mix-of-everything-he-could-learn-from Taijutsu stance and sends a punch at Shin’s shoulder. Shin catches the fist barely, arm trembling as he tries to hold back the larger man’s attack. Shin doesn’t see Kenji’s other arm flying out until it hits him in the ribs.

Shin gets sent backwards into the air, he stumbles as he lands and grins, “That first punch was pitifully weak.”

Kenji tilts his head and smiles like a bashful schoolgirl, “My apologies.”

Shin thinks that the first punch was supposed to be caught.

Then Kenji lunges forwards and swings out a leg, Shin tries to flip out of the way but the older man’s foot catches his ankle. Then Kenji flexes his foot in such a way that Shin is propelled towards Kenji, and his fist, and once again, Shin is in the air, trying to twist his body to land appropriately.

Kenji watches with a small smile as Shin tumbles onto the ground.

“You bastard… You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Shin grinds out. Kenji grins, “I don’t know what you could possibly be talking about.”

“You could have attacked me in the air.” Shin points out.

Kenji beams and then he’s gone and Shin is left standing on an empty field feeling paranoid and suddenly his own breathing and heartbeat is way too loud.

Shin’s eyes dart around, trying to spot anything before he leaps up into the air, Kenji bursting from the ground…

Only to be sent back down again.

Another Kenji is smirking down at him as Shin makes a speedy descent towards the earth, the other Kenji, the one from the ground, catching him.

The aerial Kenji disappears in a puff of smoke as Shin gapes, “Shadow clone.”

Kenji flings back his head and laughs. Then the laugh becomes something more of a hysterical guffaw.

“I’m disappointed in you, Onii-san.” Says Sai. Shin raises an eyebrow, “You want to try fighting him?”

Sai sends a look at the cackling redhead and shivers slightly, “Actually, I think I’ll leave being beaten up to you.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

After the three of his genin get beaten up, Kenji is grinning ear-to-ear. Sai and his ink animals are as useful as ever, Haruka has precise precision and chakra control and Shin is good in Kenjutsu and Taijutsu. However…

“Shin!” Kenji calls, his genin answering, “Yes?”

“What’s wrong with your balance?” Kenji asks. Shin tenses slightly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me Shin, in battle, those little stumbles you make could result in your or your teammates’ deaths.” Kenji warns with a frown. Shin sighs and pushes the hair covering his right ear away. Sai and Haruka suck in small breaths but Kenji, having experienced war, simply examines it.

The appendage is scarred a blistering red, and half of his ear is missing, there also seemed to be a time where it was bleeding heavily.

“Ah, a fire jutsu.” Kenji notes and Shin nods, “That happened when I declared that I was Shin.”

“Right, we’ll need to get that fixed.” Kenji nods to himself before he begins mumbling to himself, “I’d have to have the seal matrix accommodate with Kurama’s chakra… It has to use the symbol for chakra and fire but I’ll need an extraction compartment and the…”

Kenji trails off when he realises that his genin team are gaping at him slightly, “What? Now you’re going to call me a bookworm pansy?”

“No, bookworm-pansy-sensei.” The three ex-Root members chorus.

It almost seems like the rope moves on its own.

 

~*~

 

Kenji is pleasantly surprised when he sees that the couch has been replaced by a queen sized bed… right in the middle of the apartment and the couch is pushed against the wall on the right so Kenji drops his genin team onto the couch and places himself onto the bed, rolling around a bit to tuck the edges of the blanket under him.

The apartment door opens and closes and Naruto is in there as well.

Naruto takes one look at the unconscious (tied-up) genin, a bundle of blankets that looks like his cousin curled up and he doesn’t even want to know…

Actually he kinda does.

“Kenji-nii, what did they call you?”

Kenji rolls so that he’s facing Naruto, he looks like he’s moping or sulking, “A bookworm pansy.”

Naruto snorts, “You’re not a bookworm.”

“What about a pansy?” Kenji asks hopefully. Naruto shrugs, “I don’t know… You seem like a wimp but you’re not, I’m not really sure about the gay bit.”

Kenji’s mood lightens and his arm snakes out from under the sheets and pats the spot next to him cheerfully, “I knew I could count on you, Naruto-kun!”

Naruto walks over and lies onto the bed next and Kenji lifts his arm up and Naruto wriggles into the open space and suddenly it’s like the blanket has swallowed them both up and they’re rolling around a bit, wrapped up in a blanket and practically hugging each other, both of their heads are under the blanket and they’re peering at each other cheerfully and the air underneath is beginning to get warm because of their combined body heat and breaths.

Then Kenji begins to tickle Naruto, causing him to fidget, then Kenji begins tickling even more and Naruto wriggles around, biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. Naruto tries to escape but finds no ways out, Kenji has somehow managed to fold the edges to make escape inaccessible. Naruto lets out a quiet little giggle and a small squirm and is about to burst out laughing but…

Then there’s a polite tapping at the window and Kenji magically finds an opening and pokes out his head. Naruto squirms out through the same gap and breathes in a large gulp of cold air and then he realises what a compromising position it is.

Naruto’s back is pressed up against Kenji’s hard, muscled chest and Naruto is gasping and Kenji only has a singlet on and both of them have a thin layer of sweat over their foreheads because it was getting really warm under the covers and both are flushed as well.

The ANBU just blinks for a second before saying, “Hokage-sama wants to see you.”

Then the ANBU leaves.

Neither Kenji nor Naruto were aware that the seeds of a rumour had been spread.

 

~*~

 

Kenji twitches when the Hokage levels him with a glare.

“And _why_ , exactly, would people be accusing you of child abuse, kidnapping and abduction?” The Hokage asks.

Kenji’s face muscles spasm for a second before he answers, “They called me a pansy!”

“Plenty of people have been called pansies but none have taken such action upon them.” The Hokage retorts. Kenji raises an eyebrow, “But nobodies been insulted so many times by multiple people! Besides, I didn’t _just_ tie up my genin team…”

The Hokage slams his hands on top of the table, “Who else have you tied up?”

“You know… Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sensei.”

“Ah, Kakashi-kun is expected, he knows no tact… but Naruto-kun?”

“Yup.”

“It’s funny how one of my ANBU somehow managed to report that you two were in the same bed, under the blanket, flushed and sweaty… both of you.” The Hokage repeats for good measure, “ _Both of you.”_

Kenji blinks for a second, “What? Yeah.”

“Might I remind you that Naruto-kun is underage and it is technically illegal to—“

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kenji splutters. The Hokage raises an eyebrow, “What else? You were performing intercours—“

“No! I was rewarding Naruto-kun for not insulting me with a little fun!”

The Hokage’s eyebrows begin crawling up the old man’s forehead and Kenji realises that the last comment made it worst.

There’s a quiet little scuffle as the next ANBU squad changes rotation and replaces the older one.

“Look, I was sulking because my cute little students called me a ‘bookworm pansy’ so I knocked them out and tied them up and brought them to my apartment as punishment and then Naruto-kun came back home and he found me moping and cheered me up so I let him into my blanket-fortress and began to tickle him. _Then_ your ANBU showed up and got the wrong idea.”

“I believe that I recall my ANBU claiming that ‘Uzumaki Naruto popped out from under the blanket, blushed and panting, pressed against Uzumaki Kenji’s chest. Uzumaki Naruto was wearing an Orange jacket, Uzumaki Kenji was wearing a singlet. Whether or not they remained dressed lower is uncertain.’” The Hokage says challengingly.

“We were completely dressed!” Kenji protests.

“Right…I believe you.” The Hokage says in a tone that tells Kenji that he actually doesn’t.

“Dismissed.”

Now there are even more rumours.

That conversation added fuel to the fire.

After all, everyone knows ANBU gossip worse that old ladies.

 

 

~*~

 

Kenji only makes it to the bathroom in the apartment in time to throw up his breakfast and lunch. It’s night and Naruto is already asleep.

Kenji finishes hurling and leans against the wall, taking deep breaths, trying to steady himself, but his vision is spinning, his head is dizzily hurting and it feels like someone’s unrelentingly tightening a belt across his chest.

Kenji manages to calm so that everything seems to stop moving and the pressure in his chest alerts him that more bile is coming up.

Kenji can’t help but move over to the toilet again.

There’s sweat forming at his hairline, clinging to his crimson hair and clumping it together, but Kenji pays it no mind because his brain is whirling, all thoughts are merging together and becoming one, large incoherent mess.

 _So **this**_ _is what Kurama had meant when he mentioned paradox pains,_ he thinks through a hazy mind, _it totally sucks._

 Kenji takes a deep breath, holding down the puke and tries to get his awareness back, because he realises that there’s a person rubbing his back and holding back his hair, it’s almost soothing.

He glances at the person and realises that it’s a cat mask, Uzuki Yuugao, Kenji recalls randomly.

Kenji shakily moves to his feet, rinsing out his mouth.

Then he turns around to thank Cat, but the edges of Kenji’s vision fades and Kenji is pitching forwards, unconscious.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“What were you thinking?” A voice yells. Kenji gathers as much as he can of alertness but he finds the sounds murky, there’s most definitely a heart-monitor in the background.

“You don’t understand!”

“He’s still an unknown threat!”

“You should have seen what he was like! He couldn’t have been a threat to a _fly!”_

“But still—“ The person descends into a rapid coughing fit and Kenji places the person. _It’s Gekko Hayate, the guy from the third exam preliminaries who died when Baki killed him._

“Hayate!” The woman, _ah, it’s Yuugao,_ yelps. The coughing dies down and Hayate says, “I’m fine. But still, what were you thinking? Approaching a possible threat like that.”

Kenji can’t help but want them to stop fighting each other so he twitches his hand slightly.

“Shh, be quiet, he’s waking up.” Yuugao says. Kenji pushes open an eye and observes his surroundings silently.

“What happened?” He asks, wincing slightly. Kenji’s voice is grainy and like sandpaper.

Yuugao answers awkwardly, “Well, you were vomiting so I came to soothe your pain and then you fell unconscious and I brought you to hospital, you’ve been out for a day.”

“Naruto?”

“Uh…”

“He’s on a mission to Wave,” Hayate pipes up, “He got assigned a C-rank. I was in the Mission Room when he kicked up a fuss.”

Kenji suddenly tries to scramble to his feet, throwing off the blankets and taking a step onto the ground. His legs give out and he sinks to the floor, Yuugao, with her mothering instincts, immediately jumps to his aid, pulling him up.

Kenji struggles slightly as he attempts to walk again, but Yuugao promptly dumps him back on the bed. Kenji only pales slightly as Hayate places his katana to Kenji’s neck, “What’s wrong with Wave?”

Kenji pants a bit, the little strain on his body taking its toll, “I have contacts… In Wave, the situation isn’t good. There’s a tycoon, erm… Gato, or something, he’s known for hiring missing-nin.”

Hayate withdraws the sword, “I see. And you wanted to keep this information secret?”

“No,” Kenji says, almost offended at the implication, “I _was_ going to tell the Hokage but I got distracted.”

Hiroto-sensei pokes his head into the room and points an accusing finger at Kenji, “Visiting hours are over. I need to tend to this little bastard.”

“Who… me?” Kenji asks innocently. Hiroto narrows his eyes, “Yes, you.”

“Couldn’t be.”

“Then who _was the idiot who got themselves back in hospital for malnutrition after I told him not to?”_

“Uhm… Kakashi?”

“Hayate, Uzuki, get out.” Hiroto says, the ANBU and Tokujo Jounin obey quickly.

And when Hiroto turns back to the bed, the window is open and blowing in a cooling breeze and the room is empty.

“SON OF A—“

 

~*~

 

Sai isn’t sure what to expect when Kenji-sensei is standing outside his apartment, rapping on the door impatiently and loudly.

“Sai? Can you get that?” Shin asks from the bedroom. If Sai truly had feelings, he supposed he would have scowled, but as it is, he doesn’t, so instead, he replies, “It’s pansy-sensei,” Of course Kenji-sensei _isn’t_ a pansy, but Sai’s using the term as one of endearment.

“Oh… Really? Can Haruka get it then?” Shin says. Sai tilts his head, “I suppose.”

Haruka blinks and trudges forwards, opening the door, “Hello Kenji-sensei.”

“Hi. Team, pack light. We’re going on a training trip. Survival training trip. To Wave.” Kenji barks out briskly. Sai and Haruka unknowingly snap to attention, because the voice Kenji-sensei used was a leader’s voice, a _Hokage’s_ voice.

Shin emerges from the bedroom with a small bag for each of them, inside are sealing scrolls, probably filled to the brim, knowing Shin. Kenji gives a quick once-over all of them and turns on his heel, “We’re leaving. _Now.”_

Sai considers something for a second, staring at Kenji’s face, “Are you alright, pansy-sensei?”

Kenji-sensei answers, “Yes, I am.”

That’s a terribly obvious lie, well, to Sai it is, Kenji-sensei is a good liar, but he’s pale and his hands are trembling and there’s a small amount of sweat, a few drops maybe, dotting his forehead.

Shin told Sai to trust Kenji-sensei, and Shin is usually right so Sai trusted Kenji-sensei.  

Sai feels an uncomfortable heat in his chest, not over his heart, but in more to the middle, it feels like something is pressing out from inside and it is a strange feeling, it’s probably the emotion _worry,_ or _betrayal,_ maybe even both, but it feels more like, _whyareyoulyingtomewhat’swrongwhat’sgoingonwho’sworryingyouwhyWavewhatwhy?_

Sai knows that Kenji-sensei isn’t alright but there must be a good reason for Kenji-sensei to lie to them because in the few days that he’s known Kenji-sensei, the man has not lied once. Kept a fact or two away from them, but never lied.

There must be a good reason.

There _has_ to be.

Sai doesn’t think he’ll be able to trust Kenji-sensei if he leads them astray for no reason, but he’s only giving Kenji-sensei a chance because Shin said to.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kenji feels worry bubble up from his throat, almost choking him as he speaks to Izumo and Kotetsu at the gate.

“We’ll be going on a training trip. A few days, maybe weeks.” Kenji says. Izumo shrugs and records it down on his clipboard. Kotetsu gives them a little wave from behind the counter and calls, “Have a good trip.”

Kenji turns to his Root genin, “We’ll be travelling fast, as fast as possible. Try to keep up, we’ll slow down if you need a break.”

His genin nod and Kenji leaps upwards, landing soundlessly in the trees. The Root genin follow obediently.

 

In the end, it takes them four hours of straight-out sprinting until Shin calls time-out, a wet, rattling cough overtaking his lungs.

Kenji mentally curses himself for forgetting completely about Shin’s illness, because Sai in the other timeline barely spoke about Shin and everyone was too kind to ask. Kenji unseals a canteen from a scroll and hands it to Shin as they rest on their branches. Haruka and Sai are slightly out of breath, both a bit sweaty, but fine overall, and Kenji’s Uzumaki stamina is completely fine.

Kenji watches Shin very carefully as he lets out another cough, before Kenji places the sound…

It’s _Hayate’s_ illness, which Kenji knows how to cure because when Kenji was Naruto, Sakura _(Before she died)_ had told him about it, beaten it into his head all the formulas and herbs needed, along with twenty-eight others. She had claimed that there was probably a lot more people out there with the illness and that did not have the cure yet.

“Shin, Can you make it back to Konoha?”

Shin nods carefully.

“Can you make it to Wave?” Kenji asks. Shin tilts his head, considering it for a moment, “No, not at full speed.”

Kenji frowns slightly, before leaning down and scrawling something down onto a blank scroll, then he hands it to Shin, “Take this back to Konoha, it gives you my permission to enter Konoha and the cure for your illness. Also tell them that Gekko Hayate also suffers from the same sickness.”

Shin nods, turning on his heel, he jumps off into the coverage the trees provide.

Kenji refocuses, “Ok, the rest of you, we’ll be going even faster than before. We’ll make this a quick trip before we reach the coast. Then we’ll be practicing water-walking. While running, got it?”

Two affirmative nods later, Kenji continues racing through the trees, Sai and Haruka next to each other, jumping in unison.

 

An hour later, they are at the docks, Sai and Haruka staring out to the deep, dark waters uncertainly. Kenji doesn’t even hesitate when he places a foot on the water, not even creating a ripple.

Of course Danzo wouldn’t have allowed any of his Root to have anything less than perfect chakra control, but _stamina,_ on the other hand, Haruka and Sai only had so much and they’re still young.

Kenji grits his teeth, because when he gets back to Konoha, he’s going to _torture_ them with chakra-draining exercises.

Kenji flips a small glance over his shoulder and take in his subordinate’s states. Both of them are almost exhausted but they’ll last another hour or so.

“Haruka, Sai, when we reach Wave, we’re assisting Naruto’s team, ok? One of them looks like a pompous, arrogant grade-a bastard with an revenge-complex, the other is a useless, flat-chested, fangirl, bitchy harpy and the little blonde one is my cousin so don’t call him _Dickless_ or anything, ok? Call him Naruto.” Kenji says. True, he likes Sakura and Sasuke well enough, but at this point in time, they’re entirely accurate to his description.

“Pansy-sensei, I never thought you had it in you to accurately describe a person.” Sai says with a fake smile. Kenji grimaces and doesn’t reply, continuing to run across the water.

Evidently, it’s clear to see when Haruka begins showing signs of chakra exhaustion, her ankles are wet from sinking under the water and her movements slow down and become sluggish. Kenji slows his pace and stops in front of her, bending down slightly to allow her to climb onto her back.

Sai sends him a confused look while Haruka looks mortified, then she bows down so deeply it puzzles Kenji how she manages to stay above water at all.

“I’m so sorry for my terrible weakness, for my commanding officer to have to assist me in such a way is disgraceful to me and demeaning to you, I—“

“Shut up and get on my back.” Kenji snaps, though not unkindly. Haruka’s mouth snaps shut and she obediently climbs up. Kenji sends a dirty look towards Sai, “Don’t even _think_ about acting tired to get a free ride.”

Sai sends a fake smile back, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Kenji rolls his eyes and takes off again, at an even higher speed.

It’s so ridiculously fast that Sai is hard-pressed to keep up and Kenji hasn’t even began sweating.

Sai feels like Kenji-sensei is doing it out of spite.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Hokage-sama, there’s a Root genin, alone. He came back from a trip to… Wave? He says that his sensei told him to deliver a note that possesses a cure for…Hayate’s illness.” The messenger trails off disbelievingly, “The sender is…Uzumaki Kenji.”

Sarutobi inhales a lungful of smoke and breathes it out, “Where is Uzumaki-san?”

“…Uh, the genin said that the rest of his team were headed for Wave. Something about a survival trip.”

Sarutobi waves his hand, “I see… Dismissed.”

Uzumaki Kenji has the cure to a currently incurable illness. Probably knows many more. But he’s not a medic-nin, Kenji seems more like a front-line fighter, or perhaps an assassin. The same Uzumaki Kenji who is said to have fuc-ahem, performed sexual intercourse with his younger, male cousin that Sarutobi considers a grandson…

That Uzumaki Kenji.    

Then Sarutobi puts his head in his arms, dropping his pipe onto the table, and almost cries, “I’m too old for this crap!”

 

 

~*~

 

 

With each step towards where Kenji _knows_ there’s the fight, his body becomes heavier and heavier, weight pulling down every muscle.

The nausea from before is completely gone but Kenji can’t help but think that the illness is better than weight.

Kenji spots Kakashi inside a sphere of water and launches himself up into the air with the help of chakra, as he descends, he calls out the first words that come to his head.

“DYNAMIC ENTRY!” Kenji screams as his foot comes down at Zabuza. Sure, Kenji doesn’t want to kill Zabuza, but if he couldn’t dodge a simple kick, then Zabuza should be labelled ‘incompetent.’

Zabuza dodges and releases the Water Prison, letting out a small growl.

“Backup, huh?” Zabuza snarls. Kenji lands on the water without flinching, his two genin rushing over to the other group of genin, guarding the civilian as well.

Kakashi falls onto the water in a crouch, “Oh thank god it’s just you. For a second I thought it was Gai.”

Kenji grins, “Nope, just little old me. I was passing by.”

“Who’s the pretty boy?” Zabuza asks. Kenji turns towards the missing-nin, brandishing his arms and fluttering his eyelashes, taking it like a compliment, “Oh, I’ll be the prettiest boy you’ve ever met.”

Kakashi chokes behind him, Naruto turns bright red and starts spluttering, Sasuke and Sakura have a light dusting of pink over their cheeks and Sai smiles, “You know, pansy-sensei, I never thought you’d come out in the open.”

“Shut up, Sai. I came out of the closest a while ago. Though, as awesome as Kakashi’s ass is, I’m surprised he got it stuck in a Poké Ball. Although, I can’t really see Mr. Parachute pants’ ass, I’m sure it’s lovely.” Kenji babbles. Zabuza throws his head back and roars with laughter, “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Really? Shame. I wanted to see your ass, but, you know, if your assistant already has it occupied, I guess I’ll have to back off.” Kenji says with a shrug, thrusting his thumb behind him, pointing at the place where he can feel Haku’s tiny pinprick of chakra.

Zabuza narrows his eyes and Kenji continues talking, “But, of course, if you don’t want to fight two jounins, five genins, two of which were brought up as weapons, then I will allow you to forfeit this fight. If not, even your little apprentice won’t be able to save you.”

Kenji was suddenly beside Zabuza, using chakra to boost his speed, he had a hand on Zabuza’s shoulder and whispered in his ear, “You _really_ don’t want to know what an Uzumaki will do with your body.”

Zabuza’s eyes widen in fear as he hears the familiar name, _don’t be a bad boy, otherwise the Uzumaki will get you,_ was what all the mothers in Mist told their children. Zabuza’s first experience with an Uzumaki was terrifying because Uzumaki are all vicious and bat-shit insane.

But, nevertheless, Zabuza must complete his job, no matter what, he needs food after all.

Zabuza opens his mouth to speak but an arm is already arching towards him and a fist strikes his temple.

Zabuza collapses, unconscious. Ice begins to creep up all around them, freezing the pond and slowly forming mirrors.

“Go back to Mist.” Kenji commands. Haku steps out of the haze, a deadly aura emitting from him.

“We will not go back to that wretched hell hole.” Haku snarls.

Kenji remains unfazed, “In a week, Gato will be found dead of natural causes. His will shall indicate that all his fortune will be transferred to Zabuza. You _will_ take that money and fix this economy, before heading back to Mist and helping a Terumi Mei with a revolution. Terumi Mei possesses two bloodlines. Leave. _Now.”_

Kenji’s tone leaves absolutely no room for argument and Kakashi is struck with how Hokage-like Kenji is.

And the surprising thing is, the masked boy obeys, collecting the missing-nin up and shunshining away.

Kenji turns towards the genin, but the weight on his body doubles and he is brought down to a knee, his balance ruined and ears buzzing.

Naruto rushes to his side, shouting questions.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Kakashi asks with false cheer.

Even in such pain, Kenji can’t stand the insufferable look on Kakashi’s face.

“I’m in pain, you idiot, not blind!” Kenji barks. Kakashi sighs heavily with a small pout, “You let Naruto dote on you, but when I try to help you be mean?”

Kenji tries to fight gravity and push himself back up, but ends up staggering slightly to the side, a bout of dizziness settling into him.

Kenji only says, “Guys, this is totally not my fault.”

Then he passes out.

 

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took too long, my internet was down. 
> 
> Nevertheless, tell me your opinions. 
> 
> Carrot_Loves_You.   
> Carrot_Out.


	9. Field trip :Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very, very short one, only to prove that I'm continuing this story. 
> 
> BTW, a small shiptease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no inspiration and my short hiatus was completely my fault. I won't give excuses. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are LOVE~!
> 
> Carrot_loves_you_and_you_and_you

When he wakes up, he’s next to Kakashi on a futon, Kakashi seems to not have awoken yet. Kenji grins and reaches up to his mask, hooking his fingers around the edges, making sure to feel smooth skin underneath.

Kakashi’s hands shoot up and grasp his forearms.

“Now, what would you be trying to do?” Kakashi asks pleasantly. Kenji chuckles and loosens the muscles in his arms, making it seem like he’d let go.

Then he pulls down as hard as possible, overwhelming Kakashi’s underestimating strength.

Kakashi’s mask bunches up around Kakashi’s face and Kenji is completely disappointed to see that’s it’s a very plain face.

A very plain, _pretty_ face.

The tiny pout on Kakashi’s lips is adorable but Kenji almost expected fish lips, or buck teeth, or even a _small_ amount of stubble.

 _Why_ is Kakashi’s face so clean? He doesn’t even shave! Kenji knows that because he once followed Kakashi to his apartment and there wasn’t a razor in his bathroom.

Kakashi stares back with his grey eye, hitae-ate still in place.

“Damn,” Kenji whistles, “Having a face like that should be illegal. No wonder you wear a mask.”

Then Kenji realises what he just said and claps a hand over his mouth, face flushing brighter than his hair.

Kakashi, the smug bastard, just chuckles.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Kenji whines.

Kakashi doesn’t say anything so Kenji pushes himself off the futon. He stands successfully but when he goes to take a step, his legs lock and pain shoots up his thigh.

Kenji goes toppling downwards, landing on top of Kakashi, hands planted next to his head and a knee between Kakashi’s covered legs.

 _Thud,_ is the sound that Kenji makes as he hits the ground with his kneecaps and palms.

“Ah, Kakashi-san, Kenji-san, you’re awak—“ Tsunami opens the door and immediately, blood spurts out of her nose in a thin trickle.

“Kenji-nii! Kaka-sensei! Oh… What are you doing?” Naruto bounds in and stops abruptly in his tracks.

Kakashi jams his mask over his face as Kenji quickly rolls off the man.

“Nothing!” Kenji cries, face heating up.

Sakura and Sasuke follow with quieter, calmer steps. They stop as well when they look at the situation. Kenji, face crimson, sitting in the corner, Kakashi, lying in bed with his mask askew, Tsunami, with blood coming out of her nose and Naruto, who may look an even brighter red than his cousin.

“Did we interrupt something?” Sasuke smirks.

Sakura splutters slightly as she realises the implications.

“No,” Kakashi says cheerfully, “We were just doing…this and that.”

“No!” Kenji howls, planting a kunai next to Kakashi’s head, “We weren’t doing anything! You believe me, right, Naruto-kun?”

Naruto scratches his head, “Sorry, Kenji-nii, it really did look like you guys were doing something.”

“Naruto, you traitor!”

 

 

~*~

 

 

When Kenji stops sulking, it’s evening and the rest of them realise he’s out of his stupor when they hear a methodical _thud, thud, thud, thud._

“Kenji-nii!” Naruto cries, he’s the first one in the room. Kakashi is inside the room, he’s standing next to Kenji on his crutches and trying to stop him with words.

“Now, now, Kenji-san, you shouldn’t do that, it’ll damage the walls. And your brain. Your brain is more important. Sort of.” Kakashi is saying as Kenji continues slamming his head against a wall.

“Kenji-nii!” Naruto wails again, “Stop! What’s wrong?”

Kenji stops and turns his head towards his cousin, blood trickling down his forehead.

“I made a promise… I said that I’d kill Gato…that would have political repercussions for Konoha… And I’m still a ‘newbie’.” Kenji says.

“Well…” Naruto starts, “I guess that’s solved easily… We just assassinate him.”

Kenji cheers up, “Gather Sasuke and Sakura, we’ll be going on a field trip!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, according to a person that I know in real life, apparently I'm giving out too much love. 
> 
> But, you see, love is a balanced thing, I'll lay off on the love a bit, you leave more comments and kudos, ok? 
> 
> If not, I'll have to go back to loving everyone that gives me love. 
> 
> Carrot_hopes_you_don't_get_offended_by_her_love
> 
> Kudos and comments are love and will be recuperated!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little thing that may or may not be relevant to the story. (Probably not)

"Hello, my dear reader, you might know of me as Carrot_loves_you, this is my humble abode, known as the Fridge," I say, "I thank you all for reading my stories and for any positive feedback, however, I feel almost as if my writing skills are slipping. My inspiration is squashed and for some reason I keep wavering between past tense and present tense. This is a very big problem to me, as I feel that I should not have to check my writing every three paragraphs." 

You nod in agreement, secretly relieved for my self-awareness. 

"As it is, I have decided to perform a hiatus ritual. Most of you should be aware of how it works," I continue, gesturing to the pentacle scratched into the ground, candles on each point of the star, "I alert you, my lovely reader, that I shall be taking a break, and will continue my expeditions into the lovely art of fanfiction, then, when I feel as though I have had an adequate period of relaxation, I shall come back into writing." 

"I better make this quick, if my roommate, CeleryWilliams, comes back, she'll have me diced for performing a hiatus," I say hurriedly. You make a small sound of agreement and give me some space. 

"Also, you, my beloved reader, can send me url's of good stories, with good grammar, in the comments. I don't really care what, it could be horror, adventure, your story, someone else's, perhaps even an explicit piece or two, but make sure that there's good grammar. You can send me as many suggestions as you like." 

You give an apathetic shrug and my mood slowly saddens, "Oh well," I say dejectedly, "It's alright, I'll just... give you love, I don't need you to love me, you just need my love. Ok, yeah, I can work with giving you love." 

A thudding sound slowly makes its way up to the fridge door. 

I give a quiet curse, "That'd be Celery," I whisper, "You need to make a quick getaway!" 

Your breath comes out shorter as adrenaline and panic makes its way around your body, you rush to the window and begin to pull at it. It doesn't budge and I point towards the latch.

"Carrot?" Celery's voice comes through the Fridge's front door.  

Your fingers tremble as you can barely hear anything over the rush of blood, fumbling with the latch, you somehow manage to flip it open and you attempt to open it. It still refuses to move. You try, and try again, but the window is adamant about staying closed. 

I shove you over and give one, great heave at the sill and I force the glass upwards. 

You scramble through and tumble out onto the crisp, fresh grass that's still slightly wet from the morning dew, a few trails of frost covering the green blades, you draw in a quick breath of cold air and let it out, a small puff of steam appearing. 

Pressing yourself close to the wall, you quietly eavesdrop on what's happening within the Fridge. 

You can hear the Fridge door opening, the familiar squeaking sound scrapes like nails on a blackboard. You give a silent gulp and try to quieten your too-loud heart.

" _Go!_ " I hiss through the open window. You hesitate but obey, as you sprint across the crunchy lawn, as you leave, you hear me chanting out the demonic words for a hiatus, sounding like liquid silver sliding over your ear drums. 

 _No,_ You decided, shivering slightly from either the cold or the words of hiatus,  _a hiatus ritual should never be performed, it should be forbidden._

With that thought, you slow down, your legs feeling cramped and your skin hot against the cold morning air. 

"I'll check on Carrot later." You say out loud, heading off quickly towards your own house. 

 

 

~*~

 

Celery swings the door of the Fridge open, seeing the hiatus pentacle on the ground, anger overcomes her senses, overloading them and pushing negative thoughts to the surface. 

"Is that a hiatus ritual you just performed?" Celery asks, barely concealed rage bubbling. I nod sheepishly. 

"You stay right there!" Celery howls, her usually pale green skin taking a much deeper colour as she stalks out of the fridge, exuding irritation. I feel myself rooted to the spot, petrified at what Celery would think up. 

There's a simple minute of silence, before the sound of metal being dragged makes its way to my ears. 

My orange tint pales to yellow as I realise what exactly Celery would do. 

But my feet refuse to move, they stay planted, terror overwhelming all my rational thinking. 

Celery kicks the Fridge door open and brings in the feared horror. 

I cannot help but scream. 

"I hate you!" Celery roars, "How could you perform a hiatus ritual?" 

I shriek as she begins forcing the metal closer and closer, the wicked blades glinting sadistically as Celery hauls me towards it. 

I lash out, my legs and arms flailing on whatever they could find purchase on, but to no avail, Celery has a too strong grip on me, and she possesses much more strength than I. I cannot prevent my fate, my slow death.

 I let out a wail of agony as pain shoots up my body. 

 

 

~*~

 

You backtrack nervously, rapping quietly upon the open window you exited from. 

There's no one left in the room, so you quickly slip through the sliver of a gap and stumble into the Fridge. 

You walk around, looking around for any signs of me, but you find none. 

Then you come upon a lounge room, there's a table in there, a half eaten pile of sausage rolls are sitting innocently on a plate. You don't touch it, you don't  _want_ to touch it, because there's a large metal piece sitting in the darker corner of the room. Carrot juice, equivalent to my blood, is pooling around the bottom, and you suddenly _know._ You know  _exactly_ what happened to me. 

It's a grater from the Kitchen Graveyard, the one weapon that I'd told you countless times to avoid, it causes the most pain out of all the weapons in the graveyard. I had also told you that Celery spends a large amount of time in the Kitchen, the owner didn't really like to consume celery, so she could stay there for however long she wanted. 

The Fridge door swings open and Celery steps in. 

"Oh, it's you, the beloved reader," Celery spits out in a venomous way, "Don't you worry about Carrot, she'll reform the next time the owner goes grocery shopping. However, it's  _you,_ you should probably concern yourself over, because you  _won't_ reform. That would be a shame." 

Celery advances on you, chef's knives gleaming dangerously. 

You gulp and turn tail to run. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... That escalated quickly. 
> 
> Of course, CeleryWilliams is not a murderer, nor has she committed homicide, Celery was just a character for me to manipulate. 
> 
> I originally created this short fic as a hiatus notice, but it slowly got a life of it's own.  
> It's also not related to the story. 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are LOVE!
> 
> Carrot_loves_you

**Author's Note:**

> So how's it? 
> 
> Carrot_Loves_You_Especially_If_You_Leave_Kudos


End file.
